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The taste of something new. (Free verse) by darby pyn
She sees right through me. I am as transparent as vanity. the new clothes the steep disconnection in my voice. her eyes swell with each kiss goodnight. she knows I’m never alone.

Up the ladder: The Riddle
Down the ladder: Silent Night

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.8211956
Overall Rank: 10872
Posted: July 3, 2005 7:37 PM PDT; Last modified: July 3, 2005 7:37 PM PDT
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Comments:
[3] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 71.130.57.58 | 4-Jul-05/1:03 AM | Reply
I thought vanity was quite opaque.

I can't figure out how a disconnection can be steep.

[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > Bankrupt_Word_Clerk | 4-Jul-05/2:41 PM | Reply

I use the word steep to describe the severity
of the disconnection.

and vanity I always thought as being an obvious
characteristic.
everyone’s interpretation is different but
I thank you for your opinion.
[5] Dovina @ 69.235.21.28 | 5-Jul-05/8:18 AM | Reply
"as transparent as vanity" is a good line because it can mean at least two things. I wish you had gone the other way with it.
[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > Dovina | 5-Jul-05/10:15 AM | Reply
could you explain the other way dovina.
thanks.
[5] Dovina @ 69.235.21.28 > darby pyn | 5-Jul-05/1:24 PM | Reply
When you say you are transparent as vanity, it could imply that you are vain, or it could mean that you are transparent, but not necessarily vain. The last line seems to say you are vain, as in having other women.
[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > Dovina | 5-Jul-05/8:56 PM | Reply
it's just used as a metaphor. I could have said glass.
I meant it closer to your second analogy.
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