I like this. Something very autistic savant about it.

I've got this idea, maybe if you hide the rhymes instead of putting them at the end it'll give you that ghostly lingering feel. Let's see:

I really thought this might be a metaphor for something. On the other hand, you met a docta! Is he single? You could make your little jewish mutha so proud.

Poe often rewrote his poems even after publishing them. He was THAT anal about them. Good stuff but these are the kind of poems you'll keep messing with.

You show the terror and delite you feel when watching over a child perfectly. Terror for their safety and delite for their glee. Then you take off into wonderment and end with a self discovery. Not bad at all for a twee. -10-

Here's my challenge to you: Write a poem about God that never overtly mentions him or anything else that would be directly linked to the bible. Use metaphor or whatever you can think of to make it work. Here's an example: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=141306
I promise it will make your book that much better.

"-and I shall make you fishers of men." -Some dude.

I think it'd be great if the fact were that you looked like Larry The Cable Guy but you wrote such insightful and sensetive poetry. I'm sure that's not the case but it'd be a great image. This is one of the best of your poems that i've read. I had to look "Tetons" up, bonus points for that. There's an "I'm not bullshitting you" quality to this kind of reminiscent of Melville. Reads like an all night drive filled with dreamy, movie inner monologue and ends with the bitter reality of a strong cup of black coffee. A bitter-sweet love poem for waitresses everywhere.

Looking forward to your next poem so- "Get'er Duhhhn".

Are you a mommy?
I think you'd make a cool mom.

Nice.
Drop "His name is" from the last stanza, you don't need it.

When I was a kid I suffered from Night Terrors aka Sleep Terror Disorder aka Pavor Nocturnus. It is probably the most intense and scary kind of nightmare known to man and it doesn't go away after you wake up for another 10 or 20 minutes. Sometimes it helped if I went pee. So now I choose to do most of my dreaming while I'm awake and most of my peeing while I'm asleep.
I guess dreams really do want to make my life better.

I once saw a girl I was in love with get date raped by a jock at a party. I couldn't fight my way through the crowd of cheering onlookers to stop it. So I yelled "The cops are here!" and everyone scattered. Once the jock found out, he wanted to beat me to a pulp but my friend stepped in and he got beat into a bloody mess in my place.
This poem of yours made me think of that. Ya'know, 'cause it's funny stuff.

*NEW, from the people who brought you Dashboard Confessional.*

Sorry man, I'm just in one of those smartass moods.

The off rhythm doesn't seem to work well with the upbeat poem.

You must dance like the whitest man on earth.

Ain't really pickin' much up from this but the "hot dog" stanza cracked me up.

You should change the title to show that this is a house that someone's returning to. Some great imagery, especially the house pulling the siding tight.

This explains where Dental Panic got his name.

As counting is used to collect things into groups based on there simularities how can you talk about yourself as being unique? My guess is the same way you talk about things you don't know. Nice idea though.

I don't know what the square root of infinity is, My guess is 183. There, I just wrote about something I don't know. See we do write about what we don't know.
So now you know and knowing is half the battle, YOOOOO Joe!