| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Dashboard Jesus (Lyric) by wilco She took a plane down to Charlotte
to catch the moonlight in her eyes.
and as the she crashed in to the darkness
of the East Kentucky pines
I read the note beside the coffee
that said, âIâm hollow.â and signed âGoodbye, donât followâ.
I spent the night out in the suburbs
drinking bourbon with her dad.
I never told him of the note and those five words
or how Iâd never felt so bad.
As the sun broke the horizon
the night turned yellow, and he said, âGodâs a funny fellowâ.
I took a car back down to Mobile Bay
to get some sunshine on my skin.
As the wheels caressed the highway
with gravity wearing on my grin;
the dashboard Jesus doesnât help me once again
Please come back. Without you here Iâm hollow.
Up the ladder:
In Answer To Your Question
Down the ladder:
Voyage of the Browne
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.181818
Posted: March 19, 2006 1:08 AM PST; Last modified: March 19, 2006 1:08 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.590909 Overall Rank: 616 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[8]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
|
19-Mar-06/3:50 AM
|
Reply
Cool, very sad but not overdramatic. I do like the last line, the double possibility of you talking to her or to Jesus, and the mirroring of the first two lines of stanzas 1 and 3. Good to have you back!
*NEW, from the people who brought you Dashboard Confessional.*
Sorry man, I'm just in one of those smartass moods.
into
Line three has an extra "the" and an inconsistently lower case "and." Line 4 needs a period, since the others do. And if you're into line-end commas, put one after s2l5. But the major stuff is really good.
Line 3 seems to have given me all kinds of fits...I guess that's the peril of writing at 3AM.
in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine . . .
Nice ditty.
bloody good poem - i love it.
the title is wicked too. favourited !
A bit too location-specific for my taste. As a matter of interest why are so many Americans local town-specific, mentioning little towns no one else has heard of? Would you no be confused if I wrote a poem all about Tenterden or Woolwich Arsenal or Beckenham Junction? Surely it detracts from universality?
286 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
