Settling in

Member since 2002 · Posted 13 Mar 2006 · Edited 16 Mar 2006 · 21 comments

Winter is sliding in, I can hear it in the way the garage door squeals against it's track. The washer and dryer fight like brother and sister, my front door asks: "Whoooo are you?" The ceiling fan hums, whirrs and tinks a sconce. Turning the heat up, the motor shudders to a start; ducts bwong in approval. Still, there's one room that hoards the blankets and re- fuses to warm up. I make my way towards the bathroom as the floor groans adoringly, and the plumbing sings its' vibrato welcome as the tub fills slowly. I sink in and listen to the house pulling the siding tight.

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21 comments

[9] Ranger 13-Mar-06/2:50 PM Reply

Another enjoyable ditty, particularly the semi-repetition 'sliding/siding' at the beginning and end. Is 'dryer' part of a truck (as I assume washers are)? Nice onomatopoeic tricks.
I trust you don't have to live in your motor all winter?

[n/a] INTRANSIT › Ranger 13-Mar-06/2:55 PM Reply

No , this is a "real" house. the onomatos were the inspiration. I love playing with sound.

[8] Dovina 13-Mar-06/3:11 PM Reply

A good bed-time read until I come to emotional responses in your fixtures, "in approval" or "adoringly." I'm not sure I like a snooping floor.

[n/a] Dark Angle 13-Mar-06/3:16 PM Reply

consider yourself part of the furniture

[n/a] INTRANSIT › Dark Angle 13-Mar-06/6:46 PM Reply

I'm assuming the translation of this is:

You are an inanimate object that cannot write poetry.

Though, it could be a compliment suggesting I am a fixture of poemranker.
OR It could be a suggestion on how to improve the poem.

I don't suppose you might care to clue me in, would you?

[9] ecargo › INTRANSIT 14-Mar-06/5:33 AM Reply

Hee--you know this one. Oliver! "Consider yourself . . . at home/consider yourself part of (par to?) the furniture . . . ".

Cool poeme, bwonging and all. I agree with Dovina re: adoring floor--it jarred me out of this for whatever reason. Good sounds in this--"whirrs and tinks a sconce."

[n/a] Dark Angle › ecargo 15-Mar-06/1:30 AM Reply

ecargo's got it! and i like the personification of the objects in your poem, which made me think of that song... i also had a run in with the song at the local karoke bar the other night, an old homeless lady kept going up and singing songs like that one, strangest experience in a few days, but i like in la/oc so i should be witnessing a stranger one any moment.

[6] Blue Magpie 13-Mar-06/11:07 PM Reply

hums
and whirrs and tinks a sconce

The two 'ands' stand out a bit unpleasantly,

I would also agree that that the anthropomorphism of the inanimate is a a bit distracting, especially 'adoringly'. It just doesn't seem very floorish, anyway if floors adore anything its plush carpet not the people who walk on it. Perhaps what you really have hear is a temporal throughback from the future, and echoe of the house where every part has its own personality, such as the doors somewhere in The Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy

[8] Dovina › Blue Magpie 14-Mar-06/9:26 AM Reply

I've reconsidered. I think that hardwood floor has a perfect right to look "adoringly" up my skirt after those dents I left in it with my spike heels.

[9] ALChemy › Dovina 14-Mar-06/10:51 AM Reply

Then after you leave the room it goes into the bathroom and polishes itself for a half hour.

[8] Dovina › ALChemy 14-Mar-06/10:55 AM Reply

ace, I think??

[9] ALChemy › Dovina 16-Mar-06/12:43 PM Reply

I sure did;)

I know, the restraining orders in the mail.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › Blue Magpie 16-Mar-06/11:27 AM Reply

Sorry ladies, the floor adores (like the rest of the house) the presence of its owner. And don't the groan/adore/floor almost sound like groans? And don't they make noises even if they're carpeted? Or does everyone own a high tech no-squeak flooring system. bleh. I'll take a house with character any day.
Thanks for the help. Is it better?

[9] ecargo › INTRANSIT 17-Mar-06/1:08 PM Reply

Not sure what changed, honestly, but here's a revote.

Just curious--what made you choose tercets?

[n/a] INTRANSIT › ecargo 19-Mar-06/5:16 PM Reply

I cut a few more ifs ands and buts out. closed the tercets and shifted the vibrato line around. Why tercets? Because I'm still grappling with the best use of line breaks thing. Now , where did I put my fender skirt.

[n/a] Dental Panic 14-Mar-06/3:30 AM Reply

Nice.
I have no problem with the way you animate - humanize - the house.
You could loose some 'and', I think. Same goes for the 'as'. To me they're like nails sticking out a bit.

[9] ALChemy 14-Mar-06/5:30 AM Reply

You should change the title to show that this is a house that someone's returning to. Some great imagery, especially the house pulling the siding tight.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › ALChemy 14-Mar-06/6:54 AM Reply

Thanks guys! Right now the critiqing is better here than over at scrawl. Too bad really. I was all set to "get serious". Ha!
Nothing over there that I cant get here. And Have FUN doing it too!

[9] Niphredil 15-Mar-06/11:09 AM Reply

This is a beautifully musical poem, with different sounds and creaks to savor almost in every verse. Kudos for 'bwong', and cheers for the plumbing in vibrato!

'adoringly' jarred, I must agree. Maybe 'companionably', 'cheerfully' or something alond those lines would be more appropriate?

[8] http://mulberryfairy 15-Mar-06/2:38 PM Reply

nice, how about spring though? "its" should replace "it's"

[9] deleted user 14-Jul-07/1:53 AM Reply

I love the imagery in this. The last stanza is really good--a great setup for the title--man and house "settling in" together.