| Re: There is a journey tree by ALChemy |
17-Oct-05/4:49 AM |
I don't feel that the dove and the pigeon make any contribution to the theme.
My questions are, why pigeon? Why dove (and please, let it not be purity and peace, cause that's way too hackneyed...) and what is the significance of exchanging feathers?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Oct-05/1:06 PM |
challis = chalice.
Other than that, fascinating, I'm not sure I understand; but worth another read.
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| Re: Loving An Angel by Brego |
18-Oct-05/5:39 AM |
but why do you keep the pointless capitalization? It's not even uniform... in a sentence like this, for instance,
'If it was just a dream or a Foolish fantasy,'
there's absolutely no necessity to capitalize within the sentence.
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| Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT |
20-Oct-05/6:57 AM |
This is a beautiful poem; I love it more each subsequent read.
However, I don't really think this is a 'ghazal' by definition, at least by the links on this site. The opening couplet doesn't rhyme (or does it?), and the last lines of each couplet definitely don't rhyme.
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| Re: when i make sculpture by ay deee |
26-Oct-05/11:20 AM |
stalactite or stalagmite, not stalagtite. :-)
Good work!
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| Re: MOMENTS From A Madman's Mind by PsydewaysTears |
28-Oct-05/9:53 AM |
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I would change 'Can not you taste' to the more correct 'Can you not taste'.
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| Re: The cold shoulder by <~> |
28-Oct-05/10:05 AM |
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| Re: Remembrance by Caducus |
28-Oct-05/10:10 AM |
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I knew I was going to read something good just from the author and title, and I wasn't disappointed. Great work :-).
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| Re: Remember me she said by Caducus |
28-Oct-05/10:11 AM |
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| Re: Colorbars by wilco |
25-Nov-05/6:04 AM |
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| Re: Light within darkness by Caducus |
3-Dec-05/3:30 AM |
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| Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy |
16-Dec-05/2:42 AM |
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Heh. Jabberwock was the first thing that came to mind. Very nice :-)
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| Re: Lost Identity by TLRufener |
17-Dec-05/6:12 AM |
I find the rhythm a little bit stilted.
The well-defined rhythm of these four lines:
"Iâve read this before,
Time and again;
But I canât seem to find
Where this nightmare ends."
doesn't quite seem to match the rather asymmetric last line of
"I have lost myself
To a savage beast.
I canât run fast enough
To escape their carnivorous feast."
A little fixing-up would make the poem flow more smoothly, in my opinion.
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| Re: Don't Touch Me! by elderking |
30-Dec-05/3:15 AM |
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Interesting, I liked the poem. I also enjoyed the occasional alliteration :-)
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| Re: Ennui by Sisterwolf |
30-Dec-05/3:28 AM |
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Excellent poem :-) and I'd do just that, if only there were no lectures to attend...
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| Re: Ennui by Sisterwolf |
30-Dec-05/3:30 AM |
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P.S. I feel this version is much better than the previous one, which I found somewhat muddled.
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| Re: Shadow's Stride by D. $ Fontera |
31-Dec-05/4:02 AM |
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Last stanza is nice. I don't get the first two...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Dec-05/4:10 AM |
Very nice :-) it was a pleasure.
The only adjective that jarred on me a little was the veteran's "porcelain face". Porcelain, to me, carries associations of something smooth, white and unblemished; which doesn't fit too well with the withered skin of the old man.
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| Re: ghost host by elderking |
31-Dec-05/4:12 AM |
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Good job. I don't really care for the title, though; it detracts from the rhyme in the last stanza.
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| Re: Desperate Season by Sisterwolf |
31-Dec-05/4:24 AM |
I thought the last stanza was excellent :-) and the poem as a whole is great.
a little criticism: I don't care for the stanza before last. It adds no additional feeling or tone to the poem, changes its descriptive flow, and I feel it could easily be dropped altogether.
I enjoy reading your work, Sister; keep writing!
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