Re: a comment on Contractual Paradox of the Old by Dovina	20-Jul-06/9:49 AM
Thanks, Mandy. Kids don't think about the standards their parents lived by and how it is for them now they're old. Instead of compassion, they poke insult, and it's bunk.
Re: no big box to live in by A. Nomaly	19-Jul-06/2:42 PM
Even with helter-skelter grammar, inordinate juxtoposition of voices, and line breaks that a novice could complain about, I followed it and liked it.
Re: a comment on A Better God by Dovina	18-Jul-06/8:03 PM
Actually, the Christian God is better in the same way my mother was when I told her, at age ten, that she had conducted a game unfairly at my birthday party.
Re: ENIGMA, WONDER, BEASTLINESS AND FURY by Gopakumar	17-Jul-06/2:48 PM
Much too repeatative to carry what little interest there is. These are commonly heard statements that might be made interesting if couched in something unique.
Re: Intro by MacFrantic	17-Jul-06/2:42 PM
Hope on - rocks in your barrel or not makes no difference. And the logic isn't.
Re: Get Over It by drnick	17-Jul-06/2:38 PM
I like the rhyme, the brevity, and her eye-liner. What I don't get is whether the sloppy hair is yours or hers. Doesn't matter, I suppose, a fad is a silly fad.
Re: a comment on The Clock and the Storm by cleverdevice	17-Jul-06/2:34 PM
Hey, just fix the grammar and spelling, which are atrocious in places. Then we can talk about rhyme, Kipling, all that poeteic stuff.
Re: I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta	16-Jul-06/5:58 PM
My comment on the deleted one was a bit snide: “I'm sorry you said, near the end, that the car has dual controls. Up to there I imagined you on his lap in a fine rainy day romp along an Indian lane.” Striving this time to inflict wounds of a friend, please take a few goddess stabs at an angel: Trees sway. The heavens storm. I’m sitting at the wheel, driving to drum beats of thunder while the instructor watches. ‘Left indicator, brake a little,’ he commands… I clutch and find first gear, move on slowly… there’s a hump ahead clutch again and shift to two, accelerate a bit, almost confident, I shift to three and speed on. I shift to the fourth, speed away, confident now, I forget he’s there. I thrill at being in control, transferred to a world of my own, till I come to a junction; the rain’s pouring, and I don’t know how to stop. My instructor suddenly presses the brakes.. and then I realize he’s got the controls on his side too, and I’m saved in the nick of time. Lord, how could I forget You’re in control of my life?
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	14-Jul-06/3:09 PM
Then stop being so darned irresistable.
Re: up upon by the indign	12-Jul-06/8:18 PM
A nice fancy. Dreamy.
Re: Today could be the last day by cpill	12-Jul-06/4:28 PM
It was not the last day of your life, but could have been. But how were you to know? I believe you mean "through," not "though." "Whims . . ." is a line that be scratched, I think. Otherwise good. But I think some hint would be in order as to why the narrator thinks it could be the last day.
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	12-Jul-06/11:30 AM
I think there is something true and uncomplicated about writing for no reason. He seems to have learned that honor or recognition are simply not worth the trouble. At least that’s my take on his contented smile as he leans back in his chair. And besides a gay man without a rubber back cannot lean foreword that far.
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	12-Jul-06/11:23 AM
Yes, this seems to be the majority opinion of a writer who just can’t get any attention. I think it depends on how “loser” should be defined, and whether his ten years or more of daily writing, and his compulsion to write mean something beyond the majority view. Also, if he is writing what he “knows” to be true and avoiding slick certitudes, should this raise his status, at least in some perceiving eyes?
Re: a comment on Jennifer Logan by rahson_s	10-Jul-06/4:26 PM
If I thought you "suck" at poetry, I would not have commented. Read the good poets; see how they do it. You're not a lost cause.
Re: Jennifer Logan by rahson_s	10-Jul-06/11:06 AM
You've got a touching story here and some good finished lines - "God listens to rumors, pillow talk and whispers" for example. As it stands, though, it's more of a story or prose poem than a free verse poem. That's ok and may suit your style better. To make it more poem-like, go for brevity and haunting truth couched in flowing words.
Re: of Arabia by ecargo	10-Jul-06/10:56 AM
The opening scene is movie-like and vivid, a desert setting with golden hills of sand, and a daughter I'm ready to read more about (Part I). Then, the Lawrence-of-Arabia country becomes another place, which I would not have got from the poem alone. Still, there are doubtless daughters there who hold these thoughts. Nicely said.
Re: a comment on Orca by Dovina	10-Jul-06/10:39 AM
Too naughty, I think. It needs softening, should be subtler.
Re: a comment on Orca by Dovina	10-Jul-06/10:37 AM
I hadn't thought of you as one who would think of pun based on Fuca. I guess I see your point about '-y' words. Her shorter fin needs a comparative adjective to his tall, erect one - 'clitoric' maybe, but it's too naughty.
Re: Jackdaw by Zoe	10-Jul-06/6:16 AM
I had to chuckle at these descriptions of the makup I use, though in recent years its the trend for older women to use much less than they used to. Still, his image of her with crevaces filled and eyelids shelled is quite nice. Put a space after the colon. And I can't quite picture "rose lips of milk wash."
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	10-Jul-06/5:55 AM
Yes, you'd like him. Very congenial and different. You're not a loser though, and not lonesome either, I'd say.