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Today could be the last day (Free verse) by cpill Today could be the last day of my life
I made a curry, rode my bike.
The sunset took its time fading away,
One orange at a time
While sparrows madly cut and dived
Cut and dived
Madly took their flight
Though the last days light of my life
My clean bare feet still soft from the moist heat
Timidly caress the wet gravel
The rain starts again
People shut their doors,
Close the windows from dark rooms
Whims to this weather
The sun silently drowns on the grey horizon
And it ends, this soft goodbye
Up the ladder:
Alone Together
Down the ladder:
Mavis Beacon, Human.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.4
Posted: July 6, 2006 5:34 PM PDT; Last modified: July 6, 2006 5:34 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.286087 Overall Rank: 3736 Comments:
[9]
Ranger @ 86.140.66.240
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10-Jul-06/12:09 AM
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Reply
Top stuff.
It was not the last day of your life, but could have been. But how were you to know? I believe you mean "through," not "though." "Whims . . ." is a line that be scratched, I think. Otherwise good. But I think some hint would be in order as to why the narrator thinks it could be the last day.
DAG! A typeo. I can't believe I didn't see that. If I edit I lose these comments :( Guess it stays.
"Whims..." line was intended to reflect on the "People", the every day us, and how we allow ourselves to victims of circumstance. The theme, I guess, is about awareness of the moment. Awareness of life/time passing. It could be the last day for the narrator as it could be the last day for us all, and with that as the back drop to experience, even the ordinary seems crisp and alive. Thanks for your comment (and correction!), I'd not really analysed it much until now. 494 view(s)
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