Re: a comment on An Affair with Letters by MacFrantic	8-Jul-06/5:53 PM
"The" clearly begins with a T, my mistake there. But other than a hodgpodge of supposed affairs, arranged around the alphabet. what is the point?
Re: An Affair with Letters by MacFrantic	8-Jul-06/3:30 PM
What could you possibly mean by "The Lord's untimely sinning" besides something to rhyme with thinning and winning and starting with W? What point is there here?
Re: a comment on Joshua And Ruth by amanda_dcosta	8-Jul-06/1:08 PM
Yes, and let me add: they remind us that if diapers are not changed promptly, the house smells like a Stephen Robins poem.
Re: a comment on Joshua And Ruth by amanda_dcosta	8-Jul-06/1:04 PM
I kinda figured it was the smaller two, not the Biblical two. It's better to err on the side of dunce than snitch. As for the trials you describe as "hell," I know the word has been trivialized, but I have a high regard for words, especially strong words like "hell." it's ok to say "what the hell" in casual conversation, but to describe an experience as "hell" means it is pretty bad, terrible, like living in fire and not dying.
Re: Joshua And Ruth by amanda_dcosta	7-Jul-06/8:23 PM
I'm not sure why you call it Joshua and Ruth, unless they, too, had feelings like these. Probably they did. Anyway, it's these kinds of things that make the "hell," as you put it, worthwhile. But I think "hell" is too strong a word for the minor unhappinesses here.
Re: a comment on Orca by Dovina	7-Jul-06/11:17 AM
lol, by Job, you might have got it.
Re: Through a childs eyes by little_angel_maria	7-Jul-06/8:21 AM
A good story, but saying "this poor girl" is overkill. Leave a few things for the reader to figure out and he'll be more impressed and less insulted. This could be shortened and made rhythmic to better effect. Still, it's good material and worthy of work.
Re: a comment on Orca by Dovina	7-Jul-06/8:16 AM
Wondering is more fun than seeing.
Re: PHOTO by madamefrufru	6-Jul-06/5:46 PM
I find this very descriptive and the way of photos. The cold line of phosphorus dates the photograph if you mean those old phosphorus flashes. The fading picture is broken, bitten, boiled - how so? and the last word, "soiled" implies something will soil the picture, but what? I find that those old photos last very long if kept out of sunlight. "I hold a sliver of her soul, Which slowly does decay" - good line.
Re: Devil's Deal by kaoriliveshere	6-Jul-06/4:56 PM
I agree with Zoe. This would go over better with constant rhythm and possibly rhyme. Also, the grammar is wrong in some places. It's the kind of theme that needs a haunting rhythm.
Re: a comment on O say, can you see? by Dovina	6-Jul-06/3:23 PM
Strange, how an obvious thing in an inspiration becomes muddled in a poem. I think it’s lack of craft. The first line of our National Anthem, being the title, and the first line in the poem, containing the second line in the Anthem, combined with the timing of posting, the Fourth of July, was intended to set the stage for a poem about patriotism. We have, in democracy, a space for freedom and a margin for error, where over the years deep need and deep sorrow have become less than they are in other systems of government, and where, after much floundering, health and personal rights have reached historical highs. Sometimes I think that to ask for more than this is a high form of madness. I may need to revise the poem to make these things more clear. Thanks for your comments.
Re: Astronomy and Pharmaceuticals by wilco	6-Jul-06/3:12 PM
I don't like the opening, "And so." Maybe it sounds right when sung, but it's off-putting in print. Also the mis-grammar, "your eyes reflecting chemicals" may work better in song, than poem. Try the title, "Astonomy and Pharmacy," working off the near-rhyme in Verse 2. After the bridge, it seems to change track, again something that may work well in song, and not so well in a poem.
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	6-Jul-06/2:59 PM
I can only guess what this is about, but it doesn't matter. The language is beautiful. The Biblical reference, pulled into modern time, skirts about the expected pact between Sarah and Hagar, and brings in Jacob who really came later. So I really don't feel that connection. But the phrasing is so good that I don't care.
Re: Our Lady of the Rock by Zoe	5-Jul-06/10:32 AM
On first read, this is good. I don't have time now, but will get back
Re: Bedlam Bazaar by Zoe	5-Jul-06/10:30 AM
Not knowing any Welsh, this is a lot of trouble to go through. Why not just use the English translations? The last verse is very nice.
Re: a comment on Higher education by ecargo	5-Jul-06/10:15 AM
Both of you are demented.
Re: a comment on O say, can you see? by Dovina	4-Jul-06/1:40 PM
And walls they are, over which we cannot climb - tryanny, for one.
Re: a comment on O say, can you see? by Dovina	4-Jul-06/1:35 PM
Thanks, Paul. I thought a bit of patriotism was in order today.
Re: The Angle of your Downfall by MacFrantic	4-Jul-06/1:34 PM
I don’t know who this is about, but it sounds like one of the fallen TV preachers. You’ve made a good comparison to Icarus from Crete who flew by constructing wings made from feathers and wax. He was warned not to fly too low, lest his wings touch the waves and get wet, or too high, lest the sun melt the wax. But the young Icarus, overwhelmed by the thrill of flying, did not heed the warning, and flew too close to the sun whereupon the wax in his wings melted and he fell into the sea. The angle of YOUR downfall
Re: a comment on How to Bleed by MacFrantic	3-Jul-06/8:30 PM
You have become a hoax, unrecognized by the previous hoax.