Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	3-Jul-06/7:20 PM
I’m trying to remember the history. Without looking it up, I think this is Normande a few months after D-Day. The beach was secure and the Allies were moving toward Berlin. I kinda wish you gave the setting for us dummies. Some good language here, but I think “who’d” is no better than a simple “who.” “whittling of wind” is nice, but “remaining only” seems odd and not quite true. I don’t quite get how birds struggle for purchase, unless they are fighting to get the ring. No doubt there’s a true story behind this.
Re: a comment on O say, can you see? by Dovina	3-Jul-06/7:03 PM
No battle intended. Quite the opposite. It seemed tiresome, all the internal squables within the boundarys - tyranny on one side, disorder on the Fourth coming up, it seemed good to consider the value of a margin for error.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	3-Jul-06/8:49 AM
An old-time poem in a modern cage. Really nice.
Re: Higher education by ecargo	2-Jul-06/7:13 PM
The understated last verse leaves us wondering, imagining, as a poem usually should. The "I suppose" line could be read as the end of Verse 2 or as the start of Verse 3, or both - a nice touch.
Re: Poor Old Joe by Jigg	2-Jul-06/6:00 PM
Brief and poignant. Not bad.
Re: Goliath by amanda_dcosta	2-Jul-06/2:53 PM
The beginning promises some fierce, ugly obstacle to which a well-aimed stone is fatal. But to compare the blithe thing, laziness, to Goliath--well, I think a giant slug would fit better. Still, the very unexpected turn has appeal. And being unbelievable is a trait of non-fiction.
Re: a comment on Fallen Charub by Dovina	1-Jul-06/12:39 PM
When two dandies date a dame, this is what I call a dandy dating dream. When two dames date a dandy, this is what I call a doggie dragout drudge. When two dandies date two dames, this is what I call a double doctor dandy dating duo.
Re: Aristocrats(Madlib for all those shock poets) by ALChemy	30-Jun-06/3:59 PM
The most vile and disgusting act ever thought up by man or woman would be (let me think) whiffing that foul bag of rotten air, Stephen Robins, from closer than a mile. But I don’t see how vile and disgusting acts relate to this story. Many interpretations are possible, but I find this one especially appealing: A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned." The man says, "But, this is really special." The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?" He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I massage her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my daughters come out and begin to do the same, but my son's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my daughter performs physical therapy on her." The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man ontinues, "Just when my wife hits the highest note in the song, my children and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a pat before having her perform armless and legless hugs on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lay down on the stage." The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to massage each one of us to relaxation in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow." He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?" The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?" "The Aristocrats!" The man replies.
Re: How to Bleed by MacFrantic	30-Jun-06/6:36 AM
This starts out really great, like a poem that would move me. But when I get to "But never stray, Never bleed alone," the magic stops. How do you not bleed alone unless your cuts are intentional and in company of someone? The last three lines are good. Put something catchy between the good start and the good ending and this could be really good.
Re: COCK by Stephen Robins	29-Jun-06/11:18 AM
You withered old has-been inadequate die-hard.
Re: a comment on A Little War Victim by amanda_dcosta	29-Jun-06/11:13 AM
Well dang! I was at the public library using my laptop there and the wireless. Now I'm at the Mac Store and Chat works fine. It's good to be back and to see that you too have not abandoned this place, albeit I see no new poems from you. Hang in or hang it - that is the question. Happy to see you hanging.
Re: a comment on A Little War Victim by amanda_dcosta	29-Jun-06/9:44 AM
How do you rascals connect to Chat? I can't make the dang thing work.
Re: a comment on A Little War Victim by amanda_dcosta	28-Jun-06/9:49 AM
Bicycling on Vancouver Island, Canada, and the San Juan Islands, Washington, was tough and beautiful, like a good man. Two women on bicycles, packing everything, caused somewhat of a stir among the natives. But we accomplished it, and such deeds benefit the world as much as poetry. The scariest part was the Holy-Crap-It’s-A-Logging-Truck road from Lake Cowchan to Port Renfrew, where a man was mauled by a bear the week before we went. Good to be back.
Re: Memories of modernism by madamefrufru	27-Jun-06/5:54 PM
Leaving me wondering whether it's a painting or a crash is this poem's greatest value. It leans toward a painting, but leaves just enough holes in that view to make me ask whether you are understating something more. I'd like to see it lean the other way.
Re: Lovers east of the Coombe by Caducus	27-Jun-06/4:45 PM
Could call it a limerick, except that most of those are light, insulting, or funny. This isn't. The blooming bough from Autumn's tomb escapes me; and how is a bough blown away except in strong wind. Maybe the crabtree of verse 3 could work in here. But is that a Crab tree? You bring the Autumn back, why not the tree? The last two lines are great.
Re: a comment on A Little War Victim by amanda_dcosta	27-Jun-06/4:30 PM
It would have to be an Arab name, unless I totally misunderstand. She probably knows her name and wants to hear it spoken from familiar lips. Thoughts of her mother or other close kin are probably on her mind more than philosophy. I'd concentrate on her hunger, discomfort, and lonliness, letting the broader issues of war be infered by the reader.
Re: a comment on Blessings by amanda_dcosta	17-Jun-06/6:40 PM
I don't think that was really her either. I meant before that when you two got down and bloody and screams of agony could be heard accross the net.
Re: a comment on Blessings by amanda_dcosta	17-Jun-06/7:12 AM
Really, I like this sort of thing. It's just that I like to see a little more insight in the way words are put together. For example, a hand that’s marvelous like a magicians hat would look kind of funny. Your overall message however is good.
Re: a comment on Blessings by amanda_dcosta	17-Jun-06/7:08 AM
Last time she showed up, the battle between you and her was messier than when I ran zodiac through so fatally he's never returned.
Re: a comment on Eenie Meenie Minie Moe by Edna Sweetlove	17-Jun-06/7:05 AM
Goddess-like? Blush. Hey, some of those female gods were more sour than sweetlove. Save it quick, it's a goner.