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Memories of modernism (Free verse) by madamefrufru
Perhaps not my first, perhaps not even my 50th but a young memory when I was but a tadpole I went to an art gallery that skimmed the side of the river. Grandeous with a Mr whippy ice cream van parked close enough to get sticky fingers we climbed the stair to the entrance I don’t recall. It’s a possibility that I was still finishing off my flake or not concentrating entirely but I was struck by modern art. A canvass of deoxygenated blood red with a smear of black. This car crash on the wall, I did not or could not read its name.

Up the ladder: 10/8
Down the ladder: Follow

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Weighted score: 5.029801
Overall Rank: 7293
Posted: June 26, 2006 3:43 AM PDT; Last modified: June 26, 2006 3:43 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 | 27-Jun-06/5:54 PM | Reply
Leaving me wondering whether it's a painting or a crash is this poem's greatest value. It leans toward a painting, but leaves just enough holes in that view to make me ask whether you are understating something more. I'd like to see it lean the other way.
[7] ecargo @ 63.22.18.184 | 2-Jul-06/12:11 PM | Reply
Nice mix of remembered detail and the uncertainty wrought by time/distance. I don't think "grandeous" is a word. Maybe you were just sticky. ;)
[6] amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.140.187 | 15-Jul-06/3:44 AM | Reply
This reads more like a summary-in-a-nut-shell piece. Or in fact it doesn't read much like a poem. You've got what you want to present, but in my opinion, your presentation needs fixing.
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