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A Little War Victim (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta I'm helpless, as I stand here waiting
Mama, won't you come to me!
Fire, ashes, burns and death,
Where is my family?
I am but eighteen months old now
And wonder why I'm here alone
There's only sand and broken homes
And nothing else but bones and bones.
Won't someone hear me; here I am.
I'm hungry mama, where are you?
Come hold me tight, I feel so scared
Oh, mama, I need you!
I sit and cry the whole day long
I'm tired and weary, and forlorn,
The sun is up, a scary sight,
It's hot and sandy, a scary sight.
I'm crying out loud, yet no one cares
Nobody loves me, nobody dares,
I wonder why I was ever born;
To feel humanity's wrath and scorn?
No water here to quench my thirst,
No hugs to calm my trembling fears
No one to claim me as their own
To wipe away my tears.
There are no friends to play with me
To pull my hair, to tickle me,
To change my clothes when I am wet,
To cuddle me and call me pet...
I lie here now in hope that you
Might come and carry me away
From what I see and lest should be
One of those as history.
Up the ladder:
The Tale of Hominus Ominus
Down the ladder:
First Love
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Posted: June 25, 2006 7:47 AM PDT; Last modified: June 25, 2006 7:47 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.6723537 Overall Rank: 2056 Comments:
Thanks Al.
As for the last lines... it merely means.... come and take me away lest I'm history.
This is super - I'd get rid of the lines 'I wonder why I was ever born/To feel humanity's wrath and scorn' though.
Thanks Ranger... this vote was quick. I feel there is some meaning to the lines you mentioned. It's like the baby wonders why it has to be the target for man's hatred and enmity.
However, shall try to see if there's a better way to word it.
I agree with Ranger. Everything from the baby's point of view, is great. However, in those two lines I really can't imagine the baby soaring to such heights of logic as to wonder about "humanity's wrath and scorn". After all, all the baby wants is somebody to comfort it, I don't think it understands (or cares, for that matter) about humanity.
Other than that, great job, Amanda. I love anything child-oriented you write, you do it so well :-D
Thanks Niphredil, I get the point. maybe I need to change it. Shall see what I can do about it.
And Nephredil, you have a soft corner for children, right? you'll do well in the long run.
I read this out to my five year old and the first thing he says after I read it is... "what is her name?"
Would anyone like to do the honors and name this unfortunate nameless child of my poem?
I was also sure it was a 'she'! But then I corrected it to that horrible 'it' for the baby.
Can't name her, sorry, without making some kind of political statement...
It would have to be an Arab name, unless I totally misunderstand. She probably knows her name and wants to hear it spoken from familiar lips. Thoughts of her mother or other close kin are probably on her mind more than philosophy. I'd concentrate on her hunger, discomfort, and lonliness, letting the broader issues of war be infered by the reader.
Thanks Dovina... and good to see you back after your long absence from PR. How did your biking trip go? Must have had a swell time.
As for the details of the issues of war that I have tried to note down, well, I must agree that I aught to edit that a bit. Maybe I aught to give more emphasis on the baby's needs... must admit that.
Bicycling on Vancouver Island, Canada, and the San Juan Islands, Washington, was tough and beautiful, like a good man. Two women on bicycles, packing everything, caused somewhat of a stir among the natives. But we accomplished it, and such deeds benefit the world as much as poetry. The scariest part was the Holy-Crap-Itâs-A-Logging-Truck road from Lake Cowchan to Port Renfrew, where a man was mauled by a bear the week before we went. Good to be back.
Yeah, it's good to have you back.
And now, am looking forward to your poems which are long overdue. :-)
How do you rascals connect to Chat? I can't make the dang thing work.
I just click the word "chat". Dang we were expecting you too. We were quite disappointed. She has all kinds of gossip for you.
I very happy to see you back by the way. PS. Stop disappearing for weeks at a time dangit. This place ain't the same without you.
Well dang! I was at the public library using my laptop there and the wireless. Now I'm at the Mac Store and Chat works fine. It's good to be back and to see that you too have not abandoned this place, albeit I see no new poems from you. Hang in or hang it - that is the question. Happy to see you hanging.
yuck.
An excellent write. Good construction and rhyme. A godo concept that those in war would understand and know the depths of emotions and feeling here. Excellent write. (Thumbs Up)
Thank you CRL. I honestly didn't think my poem was that good. It's very encouraging to note your critique and vote. Thank you once again.
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The last two lines are a little hard to understand. Do you mean something like "or else I'll be one of those lost to history"?