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PHOTO (Free verse) by madamefrufru A moment flickers for silence,
Poised to pause her here,
A light shines in darkness,
To catch away her fear.
A thunderous crack invisible,
Through each grain and grey,
A cold line of phosphorus,
For every single day.
She bares no thought for now,
As nothing more remains,
And I hold a sliver of her soul,
Which slowly does decay.
It wont be long,
Each atom gone,
Broken, bitten, boiled.
Id never have her anyway,
And soon she will be soiled.
Up the ladder:
I'm there
Down the ladder:
Loneliness
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Posted: July 6, 2006 3:11 AM PDT; Last modified: July 6, 2006 3:11 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.4994626 Overall Rank: 2753 Comments:
[6]
pollywolly @ 80.192.49.154
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6-Jul-06/12:42 PM
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Reply
good solid draft i say could do with some tweaking around the edges to bring it together a bit more. i liked the wording very descriptive
"A moment flickers for silence"--nice line. good poem.
I find this very descriptive and the way of photos. The cold line of phosphorus dates the photograph if you mean those old phosphorus flashes. The fading picture is broken, bitten, boiled - how so? and the last word, "soiled" implies something will soil the picture, but what? I find that those old photos last very long if kept out of sunlight. "I hold a sliver of her soul,
Which slowly does decay" - good line.
The last stanza seems a little strange but the rest is good. I like your unlikely word choices.
This I must admit is much better than your previous post.
This has character and some good phrases. It is a good read.
I can picture her there, in the casket,
How sad that you only retained a sliver. 234 view(s)
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