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Loneliness (Free verse) by tuthaliash With furtive passion
I kiss the back of my own hand
And spoon my pillow
In the dark
Up the ladder:
Cast Iron Coffin
Down the ladder:
I Have A Love
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.857143
Posted: April 20, 2004 5:18 PM PDT; Last modified: April 20, 2004 5:18 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.4994626 Overall Rank: 2737 Comments:
[7]
wilco @ 24.176.102.131
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20-Apr-04/5:20 PM
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Reply
Yep...thats lonely...
Why don't you lose a few words and make it a haiku?
Hmm. On the one hand, as hypatia said, you could turn it into a haoku, thus:
With furtive passion I kiss the back of my hand And spoon my pillow That, however, would have the result of its ending with the line 'I spoon my pillow'. Which is going to turn this into a comedy, which I presume is not the intent.
"Furtive" alone makes this poem fly. I'm impressed by your ability to capture the moment. *8*
You too, sweet!
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