Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Orca (Free verse) by Dovina
In the Strait of Juan de Fuca, on a morning tidal surge, a tall fin rises taller, taller, off the coast of Orcas Isle. Erect and stiff, he cuts the swells, spreading ripples left and right. No sooner has he met the air than her shorter, stubby fin arises, tracking, swimming at his side. They move together up and down, his curving lead she follows— fins that sway like dancers bodies not quite seen. They spout together, raise their flukes, then disappear to secret acts, leave lusting eyes to wonder, what goes on beneath the waves.

Up the ladder: Stayed Too Long
Down the ladder: Simon's Legacy (draft)

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 30
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.2384057
Overall Rank: 4078
Posted: July 6, 2006 5:33 PM PDT; Last modified: July 6, 2006 5:33 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[9] amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.140.184 | 6-Jul-06/8:02 PM | Reply
You've captured it all.... Bravo. I don't think there's much to wonder about after this.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > amanda_dcosta | 7-Jul-06/8:16 AM | Reply
Wondering is more fun than seeing.
[9] ALChemy @ 209.23.202.76 | 7-Jul-06/11:12 AM | Reply
He's going under to free Willy.
[n/a] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 > ALChemy | 7-Jul-06/11:17 AM | Reply
lol, by Job, you might have got it.
[9] Ranger @ 86.140.66.240 | 10-Jul-06/12:07 AM | Reply
On the basis that I'm not going to make any crude puns based on de Fuca and whatever they're going off to do, this is tops. The only thing that I would change is 'stubby' - not because it's ineffective, but '-y' adjectives always seem a little vague to me. It's the same with '-ish'. They get the meaning across but don't really do anything for me image-wise.
Anyway, that's a minor point. Your writing seems to be getting better and better with every post.
[n/a] Dovina @ 17.255.240.6 > Ranger | 10-Jul-06/10:37 AM | Reply
I hadn't thought of you as one who would think of pun based on Fuca. I guess I see your point about '-y' words. Her shorter fin needs a comparative adjective to his tall, erect one - 'clitoric' maybe, but it's too naughty.
[8] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 10-Jul-06/9:28 AM | Reply
Nice details to this, and some good innuendo. (Erect and stiff is very naughty, Dovina. ;)).

I've had an unfinished whale poem (not as fun as this) for years--maybe this'll inspire me to finish it. Funny how once in a while there's one that just leaves you stymied re: how to finish it!
[n/a] Dovina @ 17.255.240.6 > ecargo | 10-Jul-06/10:39 AM | Reply
Too naughty, I think. It needs softening, should be subtler.
250 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001