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The Obelisk

Member since 2003 · Posted 1 Apr 2006 · 4 comments

Looming Damning high Tame the pompous sun Rise up at such heights Like all that obsidian Clap the moaning wind For scalloped might And peppering It is a shallow lean Where shadows come sing Cloud bearer Far lengthy pyramid Doubts unbound It almost hymns Rumbles deep and proud Order Disorder nigh The fall for fearful eye Watch the tower bend In lapsed collapsing ends

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4 comments

[9] patty t 1-Apr-06/10:59 PM Reply

love how the last line collapses

[8] Ranger 3-Apr-06/2:10 AM Reply

Good description, nicely vivid. Is there another meaning that I'm not seeing? The last line is great to read aloud.

[8] ecargo 3-Apr-06/8:33 AM Reply

Some interesting word choices--pompous sun/damning high, scalloped might. "like all that obsidian" implies you're comparing something to an obelisk, but I'm not sure what. Some of the lines could be tweaked to be stronger, more direct (not sure about "peppering," for example; also, seems like "far lengthy" could be replaced by a single adjective). I like the collapsing ending too.

[8] Caducus 6-Apr-06/8:35 AM Reply

Very cool and very assured.