ecargo3 Apr 2006

Some interesting word choices--pompous sun/damning high, scalloped might. "like all that obsidian" implies you're comparing something to an obelisk, but I'm not sure what. Some of the lines could be tweaked to be stronger, more direct (not sure about "peppering," for example; also, seems like "far lengthy" could be replaced by a single adjective). I like the collapsing ending too.