Re: Iron Sky by MacFrantic	22-Feb-06/11:25 AM
"Pollack praise her colorful retort" uses the telling word "colorful" and needs a comma after "praise." Would be better to show a colorful retort.
Re: Buried in the Booth (edit) by drnick	22-Feb-06/7:13 PM
I was disappointed that you didn't build on, "which was thicker: the smoke or the smooth rhythms." I like this part: "She was gone,and much like his heart, her cigarette was left smoking in the ashtray" But too much of it tells us what is going on, which is ok in some poems, but not in a story. Lines like, "He immediately fell into his routine of extreme sarcasm and politically incorrect dialect" could better be replaced with story. Some parts give so many comparisons, it's dizzying: "The hazy lights of the club,like spotlights in the fog, made her eyes glow like the deep ocean under moonlight." Fewer words, please.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Feb-06/10:53 AM
"to awaken the dust" - awakening dust "The strangers" - strangers "Firmly uninterested" - uninterssted "boredom-faced" - bored-faced "the classic" - classic "the City" - city "the more sedate" - sedate "makes The roads tremble" - trembles the road Okay, I'm picky!
Re: Darker Days by oneglove	24-Feb-06/11:19 AM
Have you read "Savvy in the City: San Francisco" by Jane Young, especially page 4? Steamer trunks of darker days, speaks of perhaps the Titanic, and twin saphires set in snow of perhaps a skull. I think of deep dives into ocean and memories and a good read.
Re: Harp Song of the Prawne Men by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	25-Feb-06/1:51 PM
What was his name? You must have loved him very much.
Re: Flower of Life by longships	27-Feb-06/4:39 PM
I suggest cutting half the words, which I think will make it twice as strong. Sample: Calm as a still ocean Warm as a summer breeze
Re: part by Adriaan	27-Feb-06/4:43 PM
Raindrop is to tear, as acid is to salt.
Re: An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta	27-Feb-06/5:05 PM
This seems to get underway with the line: " What made you have such faith in God?" Before that, is seems cheesy and without much meaning. You can still keep it light and funny, but I think more cleverness is needed to achieve that. From the aforementioned line onward, you're getting into the matter, but I think you could do it better with the original Goliath story and the great unliklihood that David could have slung a stone with that accuracy - that's faith.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Feb-06/5:11 PM
magnetic north does not migrate thousands of kilometers a year. Why not just say "You are North, and I am South."
Re: Meltdown by longships	27-Feb-06/6:22 PM
Why a million suns? Otherwise it sounds like cold war rhetoric of the 50's.
Re: Into the Shadows I Crawl by Silverjackel	27-Feb-06/6:26 PM
The title should be "Anger" or somesuch, I think. Why would "this aggravates me" be true? Otherwise good.
Re: beauty by Adriaan	27-Feb-06/6:31 PM
Don't you mean haiku? Good analogy.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Feb-06/6:35 PM
A frescoed ceiling in the chancel between crucifix and altar. These old stone cathredals are forceful like this.
Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe	1-Mar-06/10:45 AM
Don't you mean "reign" in line 2? And why add "supreme"? Am I repeating myself?
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Mar-06/10:54 AM
Good. But I was a little disappointed with the metaphor, assuming it is one. I would rather see it more poignant and focused.
Re: A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	1-Mar-06/4:38 PM
The title is very appealing, but the delivery? - well. He is apparently like Atlas, has his own telescope, but unlike telescopes, his is not a receiver of light, but a beacon lit. "Thin gold ring"? - brass maybe. Cocerels are young male chickens, which do not crow like the roosters they become. Still, the astronomer dying at dawn is a good image, which perhaps you can build upon.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Mar-06/7:33 AM
Punctuation is inconsistently confusing. I think, "All my children . . ." is the song the girl sings, but that's a guess without punctuation, which you have told me you wish to use, with a period after "black." Anyone who has ridden a train at night through the country will get this kind of feeling, and will therefore relate to your poem. That, for me, is what makes poems good.
Re: Under the Spoon by MacFrantic	2-Mar-06/3:37 PM
I like it, except for the Alligator. It's light, humorous, and humerus. (Hey, you can have that free.) Smooth up the flow a bit and go.
Re: isomers by skaskowski	2-Mar-06/3:59 PM
The last verse is a heart-felt prayer of metaphoric rockheadedness, offered in contrition and deep appreciation for a Creator of stones and brains in parallel. The others commenting here should be ashamed of themselves for missing it.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Mar-06/10:21 AM
Light and whimsical. Why the ". . . " throughout? I don't see them adding anything.