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isomers (Free verse) by skaskowski lost inside a solid stone,
the wall around an aqua-dome.
my opinion: undeterred and my
decisions: unobserved.
make the same mistake twice
just for the hell of it.
what's a reminder without
parallel scars?
Up the ladder:
jammin in the basement
Down the ladder:
Calenders, Painters and the Boy who imagined Everything
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4
Posted: February 28, 2006 5:20 PM PST; Last modified: February 28, 2006 5:20 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9284782 Overall Rank: 9368 Comments:
[n/a]
Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.11
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1-Mar-06/12:14 AM
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Reply
The first stanza is better than the 2nd, but I would really like to see some capitalisation at the beginning of the sentences.
I'd prefer to see stanza 2 keep a constant rhythm with stanza 1. I do like the idea of this, though.
I like the first stanza...alot! then the 2nd...AWwww...man...this had the potential to go a long way. My suggestion? scratch out the last stanza, stash it in a pile somewhere, and then rediscover it sometime in the future, when you will be inspired to write more...and the cerebral climax it calls for! 9 on the first stanza. hmm...2nd...use it in another realistic and ironic piece.
The last verse is a heart-felt prayer of metaphoric rockheadedness, offered in contrition and deep appreciation for a Creator of stones and brains in parallel. The others commenting here should be ashamed of themselves for missing it.
either thanks for sort of getting it or thanks for patronizing me. either way, thanks.
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