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Meltdown (Free verse) by longships One million suns,
Wreak havoc upon Earthâs soil.
Cities fall amidst flames,
That send iron and steel to boil.
No continent is safe,
From the radiating mist.
Flowing graceless with the wind,
Conquering all that exists.
The final meltdown,
Brings freedom to our souls.
One small mistake,
Turning all life cold.
Up the ladder:
Septolet Without You
Down the ladder:
The Chocolat Box
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Posted: November 13, 2004 12:49 AM PST; Last modified: February 27, 2006 4:04 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0476813 Overall Rank: 6881 Comments:
[n/a]
deleted user @ 24.222.81.233
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13-Nov-04/11:34 AM
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Reply
INSIPID That didn't happen.
For someone who has posted no poems, you certainly enjoy using the word INSIPID. Is this one of only a few words in your vocabulary.
Anyway, the way the world is going, this outcome is a distinct possibility.
I would make "sends" singular
Why a million suns? Otherwise it sounds like cold war rhetoric of the 50's.
graceless seems a tad forced here...but I like this. The last stanza is rather strange in that it brings 'freedom to our souls'...which feels like relief and sounds nice and desirable...but then it ends, "turning all life cold", which is the opposite. Maybe this was on purpose?...it would be one to some people, and the other to other people.
Don't let the rhymes drive the poem (send iron and steel to boil is a good example--awkward and wordy, just because you wrote to the rhyme). Watch for over-familiar terms like "wreak havoc"--generally, if use a term you later realize you've read elsewhere a gazillion times , change it. How does something flow "gracelessly"?
Good topic, but could use more moodiness. 224 view(s)
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