Re: Wet Paint (A Blond Point of View) by Miggy	3-Mar-06/1:08 PM
How do you bring her her hidden lusts. She already has them. Maybe you mean that you reveal them. The last verse is good. The first verse and the chorus have potential, but need work.
Re: Lick up your ears by Dental Panic	4-Mar-06/9:51 AM
I laughed and related - a good read.
Re: happy, but cautious by hendrimike	4-Mar-06/9:56 AM
Yes, a Tennessee evening, tobacco tall, corn in from the field, all is well.
Re: girls get your guns by FreeFormFixation	4-Mar-06/9:59 AM
"open fire, open up" ?
Re: goddess of the harvest by calliope	4-Mar-06/4:27 PM
Persephone was the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, abducted by Hades (Pluto) to be his wife in the lower world: identified with the Roman Proserpina. How is she goddess of the harvest? Otherwise, I like this.
Re: The Ocean by Fayt	6-Mar-06/12:46 PM
Ocean water moves more with its deep currents than with the wind. Perhaps you mean that the apparent movement of waves is with the wind.
Re: my girl's day [tri-ku] by lmp	6-Mar-06/12:48 PM
Some good thoughts here, but they seem forced into a haiku-mold.
Re: letting go too much by calliope	7-Mar-06/12:13 PM
The last line cliche is disappointment.
Re: thanks for shutting up by FreeFormFixation	7-Mar-06/12:14 PM
Great title.
Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	7-Mar-06/12:53 PM
I was starting to get into this - understand your viewpoint, when I hit Verse 5 and the sudden introduction of the character "He." Since "brethren" is such a religious-sounding word, I assumed "He" is God and proceeded past the bump. Then as it gets back to your conundrum, I thought of Paul, and his sorting out of mixed pullings in writing to the Corintheans. I don't see this as preaching, even though you're speaking to the brethren, but as trying to settle a chaotic mind. You might want to reword, "do not restrain your tongue, offering words of quick apology or gracious forgiveness & accession," as it seems to conflict a former statement.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-06/1:34 PM
I'll comment on the meter, since the rest has been said, and I agree. The meter is great, especially verse 5.
Re: Portals to you by Caducus	7-Mar-06/2:32 PM
Number disagreement in every verse but 3 i.e., plural/singular. Portals are lint ghosts, for example, not lint ghost. "twelve goodbye's" should be goodbyes. Some missing commas. But I like the dawn of 12 goodbyes.
Re: Stella 130 by BenRice	9-Mar-06/1:33 PM
A good-dog poem, but a bit wordy and cumbersome, i.e.: "If coal is black" seems trite. Why not just "As coal . . . "greyhounds that race" could drop the "that." "long tail is wagged" Passive voice could be made active. And If her name is stella, why not make it the last word?
Re: the comet by pollywolly	9-Mar-06/1:37 PM
Does it really fly? is it a burning sphere? and it draws nearer or farer, I do believe.
Re: The Tale of Hominus Ominus by Blue Magpie	10-Mar-06/3:26 PM
Very good. You built the case for Ominus needing Aggapus, but for the reverse to be true, as you say it is in the last verse, we need a strong example, as in the former. "no-one" could be no one.
Re: no title by mystic enoch	10-Mar-06/3:30 PM
Title: "Prince of Void" The line, "Free me from the world that I linger in," has a prayer-like tone and a "that," neither of which seem appropriate
Re: I’m unsaid and dead by Prince of Void	10-Mar-06/3:36 PM
How uplifting this is! You cannot imagine how words like "I drop tears upon the last hope," tears of joy upon realizing hope's fulfillment. And "How less I effort to put the pain away," just shows the pain-relieving medicine of a happy soul. Yes, "All words are absurd" in such happiness.
Re: Desolation by Beyond_Dreams	13-Mar-06/7:58 AM
Could do without so many uses of "my."
Re: Boundaries by Dhanesh M Kumar	13-Mar-06/8:01 AM
I don't get the first verse. The second verse picks up some catchy phrases and rhythm. Only the last two lines geve some clue on what you might be saying.
Re: We Do Not Write About by faithmairee	13-Mar-06/8:10 AM
I think it would be stronger using "I" instead of "we." Some people do write of what they don't know. To say that you do not, is really the only thing you can say.