DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Desolation

Member since 2004 · Posted 13 Mar 2006 · Edited 10 Sep 2006 · 9 comments

I'm hiding within this cascading oppression. your breath carries me away, so I reach for you; but nothing seems tangible. Shuffling emotions from deep within, scatter along the roadside; hidden from my own existence. The shadows dance when I fall upon broken glass. My damaged body only seems like a reflection from my insanity buried inside my innocence. And the world spins around me manipulating reality to a paradigm, Scorched and shunned I denounce you. And it's not until I pull my individuality back and let that hold me together, that I remember you. I no longer need to sacrifice who I am to be happy without you, It's that I'm happy with you. I'm happy knowing I don't have to succumb to the conglomerate views of the world and I'm no longer poisoned with lies. Axiom.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 3.50 weighted 4.93 rank 9252 views 293 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

A favorite of Fayt.

9 comments

[7] Ranger 13-Mar-06/5:25 AM Reply

Kind of defiant which is nice to see. The problem with it, though, is that it's all been written before. For example, 'broken dreams' makes me assume you listen to Green Day. If you could make this something new and innovative it would work well.

[n/a] Dark Angle › Ranger 13-Mar-06/3:42 PM Reply

what always bothers me is that when Green Day or U2 does it they are hailed as prolific artists with vision and great depth but when some Joe Everybody does it they are lamblasted as charlatans of the world of words.

[7] Ranger › Dark Angle 13-Mar-06/3:45 PM Reply

Having never hailed Green Day or U2 I think I get away with my lambasting...besides, I was polite, wasn't I?

[6] Dovina 13-Mar-06/7:58 AM Reply

Could do without so many uses of "my."

[9] Fayt 13-Mar-06/8:23 AM Reply

I like it alot and the cliches dont bother me.

This is probably because i can relate personally to the poem.

good work.

[6] zodiac 13-Mar-06/9:02 AM Reply

You don't seem to have ever read actual poetry.

[7] Blue Magpie 13-Mar-06/10:58 PM Reply

I think it would be much stronger if you left out the line Because I've matured, the rest is quite nice.

[6] Dovina 14-Mar-06/7:54 PM Reply

Another way of saying Verse 7 is "I don't have to sacrifice who I am to be happy with you." That's nice either way.

[7] PoeticJustice 24-Sep-06/12:18 AM Reply

I really like it. :D