poemranker ::Boundaries by Dhanesh M Kumar

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Free verse № 140633

Boundaries

by Dhanesh M Kumar

Member since 2006 · Posted 12 Mar 2006 · 10 comments

The four walls fortifying the realms make it to yell beyond the walls, The fetters that build it to quell the fondle triggers a wobbly, Staggering changeling. This child edifies the nature’s statue that which bonds till the pyre, an incredible Crinkle deep in the roots, an infamous urge to Crackle the chains. A passionate bird that migrate miles; A jubilant dolphin that divulge to ether; A giraffe’s head that jettisons out; All of these are Mother’s credentials.

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10 comments

[5] matt door 12-Mar-06/6:33 PM Reply
Jubilant dolphin? Passionate bird? Giraffe's head?
Erase this whole thing and start over.Sorry so harsh - but this really needs work.
[8] Ranger 13-Mar-06/5:23 AM Reply
Either there's a hidden genius in this that I am blind to (entirely possible)...or you really do need to make some serious grammatical corrections. 'Four walls fortifying the realm(s?)' is good, 'make it to yell' is not. 'To yell' is the infinitive, and so in this context shouldn't be used with 'make it', which is present active. The three lines after that...I don't really know what they mean.
'The nature's statue that which bonds' could work, but needs punctuating. '...statue - that which bonds...' or something like that. The rest of the stanza sort of work although 'crinkle' would sound better as 'crinkling'.
Stanza 3 - 'migrates' and 'divulges', as you are talking about a first person singular subject for both. I like the ending to it though.

But I still have to ask - what does it all mean?
[n/a] Dhanesh M Kumar › Ranger 13-Mar-06/8:09 AM Reply
The theme in this poem is about freedom. I wrote this when I saw a mother trying to control her child who was screaming at the top of it’s voice as his mother stopped him from coming out of a room.

[8] Ranger › Dhanesh M Kumar 13-Mar-06/8:15 AM Reply
Makes more sense now, although I still stick by what I said about the grammar. 'Crackle the chains' is certainly clearer with the interpretation, as is 'Staggering changeling'.

Decent theme.
[8] Ranger › Ranger 13-Mar-06/8:18 AM Reply
Actually, having thought about the context, I really like the last two lines of stanza 2.
[6] Dovina 13-Mar-06/8:01 AM Reply
I don't get the first verse. The second verse picks up some catchy phrases and rhythm. Only the last two lines geve some clue on what you might be saying.
[n/a] Dhanesh M Kumar › Dovina 13-Mar-06/8:17 AM Reply
Please see my explanations
[6] Dovina › Dhanesh M Kumar 14-Mar-06/9:27 AM Reply
Please place your explanations within the poem.
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 14-Mar-06/10:48 AM Reply
ACE!
[7] Fayt 13-Mar-06/8:36 AM Reply
much better when you know what the theme is.