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Boundaries (Free verse) by Dhanesh M Kumar The four walls fortifying the realms
make it to yell beyond the walls,
The fetters that build it to quell
the fondle triggers a wobbly,
Staggering changeling.
This child edifies the natureâs
statue that which bonds
till the pyre, an incredible
Crinkle deep in the roots,
an infamous urge to
Crackle the chains.
A passionate bird that
migrate miles;
A jubilant dolphin
that divulge to ether;
A giraffeâs head
that jettisons out;
All of these are
Motherâs credentials.
Up the ladder:
Mr. Campbell's final journey
Down the ladder:
Innocence revisited
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.1666665
Posted: March 12, 2006 6:07 PM PST; Last modified: March 12, 2006 6:07 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0448236 Overall Rank: 6995 Comments:
Either there's a hidden genius in this that I am blind to (entirely possible)...or you really do need to make some serious grammatical corrections. 'Four walls fortifying the realm(s?)' is good, 'make it to yell' is not. 'To yell' is the infinitive, and so in this context shouldn't be used with 'make it', which is present active. The three lines after that...I don't really know what they mean.
'The nature's statue that which bonds' could work, but needs punctuating. '...statue - that which bonds...' or something like that. The rest of the stanza sort of work although 'crinkle' would sound better as 'crinkling'. Stanza 3 - 'migrates' and 'divulges', as you are talking about a first person singular subject for both. I like the ending to it though. But I still have to ask - what does it all mean?
The theme in this poem is about freedom. I wrote this when I saw a mother trying to control her child who was screaming at the top of itâs voice as his mother stopped him from coming out of a room.
Makes more sense now, although I still stick by what I said about the grammar. 'Crackle the chains' is certainly clearer with the interpretation, as is 'Staggering changeling'.
Decent theme.
Actually, having thought about the context, I really like the last two lines of stanza 2.
I don't get the first verse. The second verse picks up some catchy phrases and rhythm. Only the last two lines geve some clue on what you might be saying.
Please see my explanations
Please place your explanations within the poem.
ACE!
much better when you know what the theme is.
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Erase this whole thing and start over.Sorry so harsh - but this really needs work.