Re: The Struggling Poet's Lament by Ranger	10-Feb-06/1:23 PM
So many images put together - seamstress, makup artist, lover - all with viewpoints and imaginations. But it works well. My sister is a seamstress, and she dresses herself.
Re: skaskowski is totally gay by unknown	13-Feb-06/1:36 PM
At least it's not about me.
Re: A Soldiers Story by Glasseyez	13-Feb-06/1:42 PM
Not bad as a poem, but I think you could write it better as a story.
Re: discovery by skaskowski	13-Feb-06/1:44 PM
unintelligible!
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	13-Feb-06/5:17 PM
Did you consider the five "poems" posted just prior, and decide even a drunken driver off an 8% corkscrew with a set of doubles parked outside can do better on five minutes of kiosk time? The "deer" analogy starts off well, and I wish you'd drove in on through. But when the road is not on the map and then gets wordily into "It is something to negotiate, well, I says, "deer have pretty good sense." And is "my" really needed that often? I'm no Gimmy-driver, but I'm trying to visualize brake lights in mirrors. "Trees flicking my antenna" is deer-like and descriptive though. "Splitting hairs and splitting gears" is good. Consider the deer, don't be queer. Yeah, I'm doin' no better.
Re: Twenty-Some Years and Five Countries Away by drnick	13-Feb-06/8:35 PM
For appoalog, there need not be regret. In fact, regret is a bad reason for appology. Appology should be used for manipulation. Some people, and I'll mention no poemranker usernames, fail to apply it where advantage could attend its use.
Re: Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	14-Feb-06/4:53 PM
I struggle to relate any lovemaking I've known to cold or boiling. Soft - yes. Swarming buggles - maybe. Fingers running and dancing, fumbling - yes. But a kiss as a gasp for air - well, can't relate. A chill that burns - yes, right on. But frigid despair - that's a let-down. The next part eludes me. But blissful abyss is okay. And only to die as the suds die - yes. And I don't like the last two lines. Just an opinion.
Re: To drnick by amanda_dcosta	15-Feb-06/8:05 AM
We often get proponents of religion spouting off about some evil they want to cure, but yours is made of stronger stuff.
Re: Mentally Disabled by drnick	15-Feb-06/9:49 PM
Sounds like a lyrical hodgepodge of uncertainty and frustration. Am I missing some theme?
Re: Together they Fell by Fayt	16-Feb-06/3:44 PM
And old tear-jerker told well. The last line is not needed, but the rest is - love, that is - needed.
Re: The Gold and silver dress by Caducus	16-Feb-06/4:23 PM
Why is it when our eyes ask, "will we always be like this," his answer sounds like some gull, crying for the leaving tide? Either that, or we hear it in "I'll always love you."
Re: You Sang To Me In A Cathedral Chamber by Ranger	18-Feb-06/5:50 PM
The spider gets a show and a point of view, sharing with us some nice lines. But most of the story is for tired children or drunk adults.
Re: Stealth Assassin (draft) by Mona Lisa	18-Feb-06/5:54 PM
Terrible, in a dreadful way. I hate these codependence-poems of mixed love and abuse. For that reason, a 0. But because it's well-written a 7.
Re: Gunsong by MacFrantic	18-Feb-06/6:02 PM
I take it as a video game from Verse 3. "Doom" maybe. So much of it is lyrical, but without coherence, that I think it's a dream, or game, or drug trip.
Re: Conflict Resolution by Dovina	20-Feb-06/8:23 AM
My intent was to edit this, but I hit Delete by accident, thus losing all of the comments. It's an unpardonable sin, for which I wish there were recompense. Here are the comments, I think: Drnick: This is good, but I think you could have done better. For instance, lines 6 and 7 could have been worded in a not-so-obvious sort of way (ie "I wanted her to understand, but let mercy be my tounge instead"). The 3rd stanza is awesome, I wouldn't change that at all. The 4th, however, seems as though you rushed through it. The 3rd line in there seems rushed and too vague of an analogy; give us an example of purple night-lights. The 5th line in the 5th stanza should say "bit" not "bite" but I think you could have found a better analogy for that as well. Everything else seems to be in place, you just need to comb out a few of the knots. Ranger: 'She got to be her, and I didn't...' You seem a bit annoyed at the moment! Ecargo: The idea here is good, but some problems with execution, i.e., language/sense ("she bite like a dog," which I'm pretty sure is just a typo; "eyes fell sad, as if every meaning had"); cliches (lilt in voice, bounce in step); and troublesome metaphors (briars scratching at eardrums, etc.). Thank you all for commenting. These comments were useful.
Re: The Dead Poet's Dream by drnick	20-Feb-06/8:35 AM
Some good thoughts here, a collection of wannas. But I the ski analogy loses me. Misspelled words, but only in pretend - that line breaks an otherwise good flow.
Re: The chestnut by richa	20-Feb-06/5:22 PM
It seems like a sad condition - alone under a chestnut tree, drinking, watching an unobtainable girl. I would wager that most people are happier when they drive to work.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Feb-06/2:29 PM
The real INTRANSIT has gone missing ever since he got spoofed by The Fraud. Somehow, I don't think you are spoofing him too. Still, a lumbering truck makes me wonder. "Tin drums" for tires?? Repetition of the radio line seems right, given the humdrum of long driving. Maybe that's what you mean by tin drums, but it's a long shot.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	21-Feb-06/8:33 PM
A man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be—Abe Lincoln Hunger not for Justice. Yep, that about sums it up. I'd write a poem almost as good as this one if I had a few more words and another glass of wine.
Re: Matters of the Heart by Fayt	22-Feb-06/11:21 AM
It's a common theme, but honestly said. I think you could say is half the words though.