Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

You Sang To Me In A Cathedral Chamber (Free verse) by Ranger
(or 'What the Spider Saw') Spider sitting, thin-spinning in the plum-coloured corner Shadow, subtle angles - small orphan of Night He is top-hat velvet on eccentric silken tails Lordly in his Father's hall Roam past the Master's chamber like a roving eye Small fly is his, its vision shared All things possessed in this tiny realm Now oft-ignored curiosity is engaged Common footsteps give unusual ring He knows this is no ordinary enchantment And says "I'll Not object to this visit to my house" Settle See Oak door slides to misty choir of rust Carefully steps a small blue girl, a paper lantern silhouette Leads a boy made of cotton thread and string Shows him panelled walls, polished floor Beams like the door Pining for forests long gone Ancient wood - the contrast of fragility and strength Reason enough for her to smile This is a memory room Her mouth curves to relive days now past And Spider stares as every square of stone sings Throwing tongue unfamiliar one to another Crashing, shimmering - he knows not this shattering exaltation The 'sacred chord' adored, all notes are one Journey of discovery, such holy question A chorus in reply Slowly fades Like dew before the sun, prayer ends Gentle tick-tock as the small blue girl crosses soft-lit floor The pendulum boy in her hand swings Listen Overture gone, closed-door hush Another song taking root in grain Underfoot - the soft-shoe shine And somehow Spider sees a tree Spring, grow, die, instant blossom verse & He Who Sees All Turns back to His rough home Cutaway bed Where time is a circle

Up the ladder: Dying Abroad

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 22
.. 80
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 11
.. 01
.. 11

Arithmetic Mean: 6.9473686
Weighted score: 6.855013
Overall Rank: 306
Posted: February 15, 2006 2:24 AM PST; Last modified: February 15, 2006 2:24 AM PST
View voting details
The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

LilMsLadyPoet

Comments:
[9] Bobjim @ 84.9.177.58 | 15-Feb-06/7:10 AM | Reply
Oooh! Spiritual. But more importantly...

Spiders :)
[9] Glasseyez @ 204.49.132.31 | 15-Feb-06/3:31 PM | Reply
awesome love the visuals
[9] Niphredil @ 192.117.117.50 | 18-Feb-06/9:38 AM | Reply
I thought the double meanings of
"Beams like the door
Pining for forests long gone"
were terrific.

Great imagery; I love the way each successive word adds a little more texture to the poem. -9-
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 18-Feb-06/5:50 PM | Reply
The spider gets a show and a point of view, sharing with us some nice lines. But most of the story is for tired children or drunk adults.
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > Dovina | 19-Feb-06/2:07 AM | Reply
Actually the story was for one person in particular, but I thought I'd share it with you. If it makes it easier to read, I'll buy you a fine single malt all to yourself and give you the evening off :p
Just as an aside, there are a couple of overtones thrown in here (the spider metaphor, the tree etc.) Did they come through at all? You've all suffered the Pimple years of Ranger, now is the time when I begin stage 2 of the poet's training, in the proper and effective use of metaphor.
Cheers for commenting!
[10] Mikius @ 129.12.200.48 | 20-Feb-06/3:33 AM | Reply
Alas, for this poem, it's no good; you've raised the bar yet again. I'm afraid my angsty stuff is no match, (Not that I won't subject you to it all anyway :p).

Keep up the good work. ^^
[9] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 20-Feb-06/7:17 AM | Reply
Some good stuff in here, Ranger! "Thin-spinning"; "top-hat velvet . . . tails", songs in grain, pendulum toys and ticktock steps. Really cool feel and language.

You talk about the use of metaphor--spider, tree--in your comment. It does come through, I think--but, out of curiosity: what were you aiming for?
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > ecargo | 20-Feb-06/7:56 AM | Reply
I'm glad you like it - high regard from the better poets here is certainly praise indeed! The spider was a semi-reference to God, in a way that people enter cathedrals and seem to be a little uncertain as to whether anything really is paying attention, plus from the spider's point of view the chamber is his 'house', just as the cathedral is God's.
In contrast, its reaction to the song was a mirror of mine; I had never heard such an awe-inspiring verse before (hence the description of myself as a doll; the inexperience and discovery of childhood).
The tree was an image that unfolded in my mind as I listened; imagine the life of a tree sped up so it happens in the space of just a few moments - a crescendo at birth, a verse in full bloom, and the fading final years...I'm sure it's not an original metaphor, but it seems a perfect description for a song.
There's so much that I tried to fit in here, not all of it particularly well jointed together - it's fantastic that people like this, but to me it still seems untidy somehow. In time I may do another version, but I'm prepared to be patient with this one. It took me an extremely long time to write.
Side note: this actually started life as a haiku - oh how things change!
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 | 20-Feb-06/12:44 PM | Reply
Great lines. Could use some more punctuation to clear things up a bit. Don't be afraid to throw in a couple plain old boring lines for the sake of connecting the more inventive ones.
[n/a] smoofle @ 88.106.175.245 | 24-Feb-06/7:08 AM | Reply
Mwahahahah! Archie! I'm here!
Also... I'm so damn proud this poem is about me.
Love you always
xxx
[9] LilMsLadyPoet @ 64.12.116.14 | 1-Mar-06/12:06 PM | Reply
This is so freaking cool! What a delight! I am so tempted to go read what others wrote before I post, but I won't. I have no clear understanding what this is about...and I don't think I want one! It could be about so many wonderful things...and so I say...it could use a tweak here or there...but not too many, or it might lose its depth and multi-meaning layers. I have reread this 3 times, and will put it in my favorites to reread again. It is just magical. And, I think, to adults and children alike,it will mean so many different things.I like all the things that may be tucked in the nooks and crannies of this piece. (Like little Spider's webs tucked into the cracks and crevices)
That said, I don't think it would hurt to fill in with a word here or there, in closer proximity to complete sentences.
[9] LilMsLadyPoet @ 64.12.116.14 | 1-Mar-06/12:07 PM | Reply
Oh, and, I like the alternate title the best...if I had to vote.
[9] LilMsLadyPoet @ 64.12.116.13 > LilMsLadyPoet | 1-Mar-06/12:14 PM | Reply
OH! You are young? I wouldn't have guessed you are that young, as all the discussion implies you are. Well...then... KEEP writing! Sheesh...so much potential, you have. I must admit I find your stuff to be brain food, even in its imperfect state. Highly intellegent stuff and processes going on and around in that head of yours...most refreshing!
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > LilMsLadyPoet | 1-Mar-06/12:22 PM | Reply
Thank you! I'm at the tender age of nineteen right now...as I said to Dovina, poemranker really did suffer during my Pimple-loving time; but I learnt such a lot from here that I left for a couple of years until I had anything worthwhile to offer - ideas are starting to return to me at last!
It's all about learning stylistic tricks now - there is so much fantastic poetry on this site that I'm learning every time I log in.
Your comment made my day, by the way! Thank you once again!
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > LilMsLadyPoet | 1-Mar-06/3:24 PM | Reply
That's the most Yoda-esque comment I've ever read on this site.
[7] Dovina @ 17.255.240.138 > ALChemy | 1-Mar-06/4:25 PM | Reply
An un-Yodaesque comment that is.
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > Dovina | 1-Mar-06/4:35 PM | Reply
The most Yoda-esque comment ever I've read on this site that is.
How's that?
[7] Dovina @ 17.255.240.138 > ALChemy | 1-Mar-06/4:41 PM | Reply
with you, the force is. But of the dark side beware. Angels dark, that is.
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 > Dovina | 1-Mar-06/4:46 PM | Reply
Beware The Darth Anal P.I. I shall.
[9] matt door @ 65.32.138.73 | 9-Mar-06/7:03 PM | Reply
Very clever bit of prose here - I like it a lot. Could use just a few less words. "Top-hat velvet" and "soft-shoe shine", "where time is a circle" (and others) read (and sound) so well. Good job young poet! Please keep writing.
[10] deleted user @ 141.163.84.17 | 20-Mar-06/1:45 AM | Reply
Dude, I think I should disect this like we did at RMS
[0] deleted user @ 194.154.22.51 | 10-Jun-06/4:29 AM | Reply
Total horses' piss.
[n/a] Ranger @ 86.131.60.175 | 13-Jun-06/1:03 AM | Reply
Person using Mr. Robins' computer: thanks for the anon zero - I assume it's to get Fraser back on top spot (where he rightly belongs) but you know, you could have just asked ;-)
404 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001