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A Soldiers Story (Prose Poem) by Glasseyez
I was born and raised a small town boy, Played with cars and those soldier toys, Had dreams to travel the world you see, So I dropped out of school and joined the Army, Free beer and hookers and lots of fun, Hell boys you even get to shoot a gun, Came home with my suit and my Paw teared up, He said son I’m proud you’re movin on up, Stayed home a day and watched the news, “We are going to war!” I got the blues, My mom got scared and Paw said son, “If you go over there I love you tons, I will pray everyday for your return, Make me proud son, here is your gun” Got my orders and caught the plane, It was off to war to die in vain, When we got there the Major said “Men! We have a mission you’ve all been trained. Our job is simple, Blow shit up! Kill! Murder! Maim! Good luck soldier and God speed!” Then we rushed off the plane like a nervous stampede, Went outside and the smell was shit, And girls in hoods showing us their tits, “ I wish” We got in the Humvees ready to die, Homeboy beside me decided to cry, Pulled out my pictures remember their faces, If only they saw how terrible this place is, Boom, up ahead “Ambush!” I said, Jumped out of the truck and ran for the hedge, The men were all screaming, I saw one of the attackers he saw me too, His eyes just a gleaming, I lifted my rifle Pop!! One shot to the head, That was all it took with just that one look, I ended a life, but better than mine instead, From that point on I fought many battles, Killed many people with my pellets of lead, Went home a year later missing an arm and a leg, Nobody can give back the lives I took, Forever remind me the peg and the hook.

Up the ladder: word splatter
Down the ladder: Succulent Fruit

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.5555553
Weighted score: 5.7777777
Overall Rank: 1737
Posted: February 11, 2006 10:39 PM PST; Last modified: February 12, 2006 1:00 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 13-Feb-06/1:42 PM | Reply
Not bad as a poem, but I think you could write it better as a story.
[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 13-Feb-06/4:29 PM | Reply
Lines 17-20 = awesome. The rest is good but a little untidy; the rhymes are sometimes forced and grammar could be better, having said that however, I did enjoy reading this and look forward to reading any edits of it.
[n/a] Glasseyez @ 71.2.60.98 > Ranger | 13-Feb-06/4:53 PM | Reply

lots of fun
you tons
definately forced
"the blues may be forced", I know I probably need to find other words for these maybe touch the whole thing up when I have the time
[8] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 | 13-Feb-06/8:29 PM | Reply
Simple, but so are those who concieve war. I can dig it.
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