poemranker ::The Gold and silver dress by Caducus

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Free verse № 139136

The Gold and silver dress

Member since 2002 · Posted 16 Feb 2006 · 6 comments

Rising from entrails of Poseidon she wore a salt dress of silver, holding the moon in her hands the way I held her, like porcelain. Far across the ocean we watched the oil zodiac upstaging stars and clouds, we oiled in the slick of our thighs. Her eyes asked me "will we always be like this" my answer was the beak of gulls crying for the leaving tide. Moments last forever And I drowned in blonde waves Hoping to surface And not become an ocean wreck Of Aphrodite's depths. Woven from dawns knives She wore a golden dress, Holding the sun in her hands The way I held her, like Midas.

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mean 7.33 weighted 5.63 rank 2202 views 276 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

6 comments

[9] Ranger 16-Feb-06/9:22 AM Reply
Beautiful, stanza 3 in particular.
Change 'dawn's knives' to something softer.
[9] ALChemy 16-Feb-06/11:24 AM Reply
I had to look this up so don't feel bad but she didn't rise from the entrails of Poseidon but from Uranus' severed penis. I can certainly see why you wouldn't want to say that though. I only looked it up because I thought she came out of a clam shell.
Everything else in the poem is great.
[8] drnick 16-Feb-06/2:09 PM Reply
This is really good, but I'm only giving you and 8 because people on here are writing too good lately. WE NEED TO RAISE THE EXPECTATIONS HERE, PEOPLE. WE CAN'T GIVE NINES AND TENS TO EVERYBODY, THIBK OF THE INTEGRITY. THE GOD DAMN INTEGRITY.
[8] drnick › drnick 17-Feb-06/8:14 AM Reply
"thibk of the integrity" indeed

i am a fool
[n/a] Dental Panic 16-Feb-06/3:38 PM Reply
Her eyes asked me
"will we always be like this"

sums it all up. Soup many have swum in.
[9] Dovina 16-Feb-06/4:23 PM Reply
Why is it when our eyes ask, "will we always be like this," his answer sounds like some gull, crying for the leaving tide? Either that, or we hear it in "I'll always love you."