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The Gold and silver dress (Free verse) by Caducus
Rising from entrails of Poseidon she wore a salt dress of silver, holding the moon in her hands the way I held her, like porcelain. Far across the ocean we watched the oil zodiac upstaging stars and clouds, we oiled in the slick of our thighs. Her eyes asked me "will we always be like this" my answer was the beak of gulls crying for the leaving tide. Moments last forever And I drowned in blonde waves Hoping to surface And not become an ocean wreck Of Aphrodite's depths. Woven from dawns knives She wore a golden dress, Holding the sun in her hands The way I held her, like Midas.

Up the ladder: My Soul is Stopping
Down the ladder: Friends without Faces

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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10  .. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.3333335
Weighted score: 5.62753
Overall Rank: 2205
Posted: February 16, 2006 8:07 AM PST; Last modified: February 16, 2006 8:07 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 16-Feb-06/9:22 AM | Reply
Beautiful, stanza 3 in particular.
Change 'dawn's knives' to something softer.
[9] ALChemy @ 24.74.100.11 | 16-Feb-06/11:24 AM | Reply
I had to look this up so don't feel bad but she didn't rise from the entrails of Poseidon but from Uranus' severed penis. I can certainly see why you wouldn't want to say that though. I only looked it up because I thought she came out of a clam shell.
Everything else in the poem is great.
[8] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 | 16-Feb-06/2:09 PM | Reply
This is really good, but I'm only giving you and 8 because people on here are writing too good lately. WE NEED TO RAISE THE EXPECTATIONS HERE, PEOPLE. WE CAN'T GIVE NINES AND TENS TO EVERYBODY, THIBK OF THE INTEGRITY. THE GOD DAMN INTEGRITY.
[8] drnick @ 24.176.22.254 > drnick | 17-Feb-06/8:14 AM | Reply
"thibk of the integrity" indeed

i am a fool
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.27.6.94 | 16-Feb-06/3:38 PM | Reply
Her eyes asked me
"will we always be like this"

sums it all up. Soup many have swum in.
[9] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 16-Feb-06/4:23 PM | Reply
Why is it when our eyes ask, "will we always be like this," his answer sounds like some gull, crying for the leaving tide? Either that, or we hear it in "I'll always love you."
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