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Stealth Assassin (draft) (Free verse) by Mona Lisa
You were my stealth rape Crying like a victim for your crime Your arms were closed Later I found open ones, And your comforting words were 'Antony I cant be their for you'. In darkest hours you were my dark And as tears polished your Rolex I was left polishing My fathers face with my tears Begging him to hold me then take me to hospital. The blind must see things. You showed me how to live Showed me how to die Showed me to give Showed me how to lie. Now I live that lie With someone who is true Yet I'm unable to fly For she can never be you. Sweet hypocrite and liar I am the cancer of your vows The umbilical cord of death To a chance you conceived And terminated for your gain. Do well in class Learn how to write poetry I will learn to live it And look at you a sonnet Winsome and full of rhyme With no substance but emptiness. I am bitter Full of hate and love. Do well in class Do well in love And live a rich life Knowing that England Holds a grave you desecrated. Come over and weep by it one day Bring a spade and your rapist Father Dig me up and rape me Disturb my bones Disturb my dreams Just never stop loving me.

Up the ladder: guilt

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8676
Posted: February 16, 2006 2:37 AM PST; Last modified: February 16, 2006 2:37 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 16-Feb-06/3:47 AM | Reply
There's potential here, although I don't like stanzas 4 and 6. You could do well bringing out the sort of taint on the love (as you do in the last stanza) more, I think. As it's a draft I'll hold rating it for when it's edited.
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 18-Feb-06/5:54 PM | Reply
Terrible, in a dreadful way. I hate these codependence-poems of mixed love and abuse. For that reason, a 0. But because it's well-written a 7.
[7] richa @ 81.178.217.160 | 20-Feb-06/11:13 AM | Reply
If you are going for pathos I would prescribe attention to small detail rather than writing rape every five seconds.
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