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Under the Spoon

Member since 2003 · Posted 2 Mar 2006 · 5 comments

I've gone into surgery Set limits on this perjury A hippocratic oath that Spills from hypocritic oafs And when I tumble under I should wonder if they plunder From the vault embodied here Without my wits Under the spoon I fear I'll never learn to trust Lust for feelings that I must And I may wake to see That seeing was commodity You have me I have not you Nor ability to sue Because I signed a waiver Uncertain of a certain savior Please just fill me up With gas until I pass And I will thank you later See you later Alligator

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5 comments

[2] LilMsLadyPoet 2-Mar-06/8:01 AM Reply

I can't take this seriously; you rhyme, then don't, then do so badly, then rhyme at the end of lines, then half way into lines and rhyme at the end of them. The cadence goes all over the place, changing at random.
...later, ..later, and Alligator ending was a groan AND an eye roll.

[8] Ranger 2-Mar-06/9:22 AM Reply

Good fun, this poem.
In keeping with recent trends here, 'Alligator' should be changed to 'masturbator'. Seriously, it would work.

[2] LilMsLadyPoet › Ranger 3-Mar-06/7:49 AM Reply

Oh, and wouldn't that be genius!! what with the ego and macabre joy they get from cutting...that would nail it! LOL!

[8] Dovina 2-Mar-06/3:37 PM Reply

I like it, except for the Alligator. It's light, humorous, and humerus. (Hey, you can have that free.) Smooth up the flow a bit and go.

[8] ecargo 3-Mar-06/11:14 AM Reply

Funny. I don't mind random rhyming, but it gets awkward here and there--might kill some of the "just to rhyme" rhymes. Good flow and funny, like "under the spoon" as opposed to knife; yeah, alligator not quite it so you need a more punchy ending, IMO. Cool.