Re: Close your eyes but keep your mind wide open by darylchew	28-May-07/9:28 AM
numb with self-denial - doesn't show much. And it tries to tell something, but what?
Re: C. by skaskowski	28-May-07/9:32 AM
Seems like some graphic image written in C++. Otherwise, what is the title about?
Re: The Story of Wolf and Moon by Blackshadow	1-Jun-07/7:48 AM
Some wordiness,such as "It is a story of true love" could be just "a story of love," similar suggestions throughout. "Our path, it leads Us to Our fate" is such a common theme that, expecially when said straight out, comes accross stale. Otherwise, some good rhythms and some good lines.
Re: Soul Mate Found by Blackshadow	1-Jun-07/7:51 AM
"love that felt so true" and other cliches like "the test of time" detract from otherwise good rhythm.
Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta	4-Jun-07/8:37 AM
Is "spice" a color? Could drop "the" from "the shiny." and "The cotton." "dreamy paradise" sounds cliche. the two above comments are good. Otherwise good.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Jun-07/8:45 AM
Put "but sets you free" on a third line.
Re: Beslan by Ranger	6-Jun-07/12:01 PM
I heard a balalaika played with Russian hands, and would prefer the singular in line 1, makes is more personal. And the possessive friction's in line 2 seems superfluous. Why is the fretted frame splintered? The triangular frame might be splintered, but the frets are on the fingerboard, and splinters would hurt. I like the sound of this, "holy minor fall of Hallelujah" especially.
Re: Call Someone Right Away by jessicazee	6-Jun-07/12:09 PM
It's a sad kind of funny. Just enough to make me think so anyway. More detail would help. And it's a bit too prosaic for poetry.
Re: leaves of clover by lmp	9-Jun-07/2:37 PM
"the bees drone on" is a good line because drones do no work. So I wonder at "Drones' labor" Also, the truck would have been loaded with honey, not nect'r or nectar. "we never knows"??? Otherwise pretty good.
Re: My Sinatra by sca	9-Jun-07/2:39 PM
Sinatra serenades for the suffering secretary - on the radio driving home.
Re: rear end of the storm by malpaso	11-Jun-07/2:39 PM
Midwest rain will soak you this time of year, but it's a happy kind of soaking when the air is warm. At the front of the cloud is where the lightning lurks and where a lone cyclist or pedestrian sticks up like a rod to catch it, either that or the funnel.
Re: The Call by Skamper	11-Jun-07/2:42 PM
I don't get it.
Re: Take-Off by oneglove	13-Jun-07/10:12 AM
The comma after I is distracting. The caps at line starte are inconsistent. Otherwise good.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jun-07/8:29 AM
Funny because its true.
Re: Bonded by Skamper	15-Jun-07/8:35 AM
Something like the comfort in my recent one. Nice job.
Re: Resume by drnick	15-Jun-07/2:16 PM
The first two verses say it all. The rest gets into the nitty of how and why. But Why do that?
Re: The One I Threw Back by drnick	20-Jun-07/3:02 PM
"hold" not "ahold" and a period after it. Some of it has a nice rhythm, but the lapses distract. This sort of thing needs rhythm, I think, to carry it, especially when all the stanzas have 4 lines. example: I've buried myself inside mistakes, Made myself a home, Here I'll hide forever, Secure and still alone.
Re: husk [hai-crete] by lmp	20-Jun-07/3:05 PM
Broken could lose the space.
Re: F Log-On by Skamper	20-Jun-07/3:08 PM
Starts out like a rap. Would be nice to keep that going.
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	22-Jun-07/5:25 PM
I like the contrasts expressed in the first two verses. Then the pattern changes in S3, driving on with the main point. But I like this too. It's the kind of poem I relate to personally, having had a few thoughts that hit with this kind of power. Very good.