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essence of a thought (Free verse) by lmp no diaphanous membrane, this;
bearing down upon the soul,
a cascading megalith,
crumbling resolve with no remorse.
no soothing analgesic, this;
burning holes in the heart
like a ruptured caustic cyst,
melting dreams, leaving despair.
demolishing love with its force,
a raging beast set on a course
as darkness creeps from the abyss;
banishing hope and sunlight, this.
intimate, incessant constrictor of air,
a garrotte made of silken hair
wrapping tighter than a crushing fist;
no mere flight of fancy, this.
Up the ladder:
bluebells and none
Down the ladder:
A country called Cha
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.6
Posted: June 22, 2007 7:48 AM PDT; Last modified: June 22, 2007 7:48 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.4291306 Overall Rank: 3021 Comments:
I like the contrasts expressed in the first two verses. Then the pattern changes in S3, driving on with the main point. But I like this too. It's the kind of poem I relate to personally, having had a few thoughts that hit with this kind of power. Very good.
wow. i am glad you liked this one; from your own writings that i have read i would not have guessed this would appeal to you.
many thanks for understanding and relating.
I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)
heh. i am glad that the rhyme scheme is so unsettling; that means it did what i wanted.
glad you liked this piece, and many thanks for the comments.
Seems like a very dark thought you're having. Well written and haunting. Reminds me of Rodin's sculptures.
they are rather weighty, aren't they? (Rodin's sculptures, that is.) my wife and i went to the museum of his work in paris on our honeymoon; great place and i highly recommend it should you ever get the chance to go.
thanks for the comments. you be writing something soon? seems we both took a bit of a hiatus...
Sometimes I take a year off to refuel my creativity. I'm wierd that way. I don't know when I'll be kicking it into gear again though.
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the change of rhythm is a bit disturbing, much like the thought.