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essence of a thought

Member since 2005 · Posted 22 Jun 2007 · 9 comments

no diaphanous membrane, this; bearing down upon the soul, a cascading megalith, crumbling resolve with no remorse. no soothing analgesic, this; burning holes in the heart like a ruptured caustic cyst, melting dreams, leaving despair. demolishing love with its force, a raging beast set on a course as darkness creeps from the abyss; banishing hope and sunlight, this. intimate, incessant constrictor of air, a garrotte made of silken hair wrapping tighter than a crushing fist; no mere flight of fancy, this.

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9 comments

[9] Ranger 22-Jun-07/1:14 PM Reply

Good write. I like the rhymes although when you alter the pattern it is maybe a little distracting.

[n/a] lmp › Ranger 22-Jun-07/1:20 PM Reply

i didnt want to start every stanza with essentially the same line, i also wanted to end the poem with the same line that began it. i did like the repetition of the first line in the first two stanzas.

the change of rhythm is a bit disturbing, much like the thought.

[10] Dovina 22-Jun-07/5:25 PM Reply

I like the contrasts expressed in the first two verses. Then the pattern changes in S3, driving on with the main point. But I like this too. It's the kind of poem I relate to personally, having had a few thoughts that hit with this kind of power. Very good.

[n/a] lmp › Dovina 26-Jun-07/1:26 PM Reply

wow. i am glad you liked this one; from your own writings that i have read i would not have guessed this would appeal to you.

many thanks for understanding and relating.

[10] Skamper 22-Jun-07/11:31 PM Reply

I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)

[n/a] lmp › Skamper 26-Jun-07/1:27 PM Reply

heh. i am glad that the rhyme scheme is so unsettling; that means it did what i wanted.

glad you liked this piece, and many thanks for the comments.

[10] ALChemy 28-Jun-07/12:10 PM Reply

Seems like a very dark thought you're having. Well written and haunting. Reminds me of Rodin's sculptures.

[n/a] lmp › ALChemy 28-Jun-07/12:32 PM Reply

they are rather weighty, aren't they? (Rodin's sculptures, that is.) my wife and i went to the museum of his work in paris on our honeymoon; great place and i highly recommend it should you ever get the chance to go.

thanks for the comments. you be writing something soon? seems we both took a bit of a hiatus...

[10] ALChemy › lmp 29-Jun-07/12:18 PM Reply

Sometimes I take a year off to refuel my creativity. I'm wierd that way. I don't know when I'll be kicking it into gear again though.