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A country called Cha (Free verse) by richa The merchants could not say why char,
unable to agree, whether the plantations
or the country came first
but they knew to trade was to trade in
tea and ornaments that beared its leaf.
The priests and lawyers,
god knows how they entered the picture.
Up the ladder:
essence of a thought
Down the ladder:
Warlord
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.6
Posted: March 30, 2004 6:29 AM PST; Last modified: March 30, 2004 6:29 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.4291306 Overall Rank: 3022 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
zodiac @ 67.240.155.79
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30-Mar-04/6:43 AM
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Reply
I'm sorry, I don't get using beared instead of bore, or why it's called char in the poem and cha in the title (seems char is better for both). I'm sure you had a reason; I just can't see it. The rest is better than ever.
[10]
zodiac @ 152.30.11.29
> zodiac
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30-Mar-04/10:51 AM
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Reply
Amendment: I'm cool now with the cha/char/tea part and actually like using different words. But I'm still stuck on beared. Is it a play on bared? On beard? Would you consider leaving it bear, as in 'tea and ornaments that bear its leaf'?
[n/a]
richa @ 81.178.241.157
> zodiac
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30-Mar-04/12:04 PM
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Reply
Yes, that would be better. It was the sight of beard on the paper that amused me I think.
In all honesty, this poem went beyond me leaky dome.. either its too abstract for me or it causes me to have a brain-fart, or I'm not applying my I.Q., therefor I shall refrain from voting.. perhaps you could explain it to me, most of your works I consider to be enjoyable mind benders, but every now and then I'm left feeling BENT.
I don't get it either, but it sure does ring nice. It it ok to like it just for it's ring? If so 9.
If I rewrite, I will put in more clues, I would prefer not to have to explain.
Is there anything specific?
Okay, but youâve driven me to research and drink in coming to this: Cha is a kind of Chinese tea, and Char Siu Bao is a Chinese dish - barbecued-pork-filled buns â or something like that. Youâve already agreed to use bear instead of beared. Inserting these keys or codes reduces the puzzle to the last line with its ambiguity and provocative meanings. Knowing something China might shed light on how priests and lawyers fit in, but itâs a good ending without that knowledge. So why do you find it so intriguing to put your readers through all this when an easily understood beginning would serve the same purpose?
Richa mein freund - I grow familiar with your Australian abstractions; good stuff.
nits- "beared"? bore? "entered the picture" - seems like a missed poetic opportunity. 257 view(s)
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