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bluebells and none (Free verse) by richa It is when the last badger
hole has sunk down, and
the fetch of a crows stare
has hit on bark
that we would pinch from
the wild bluebells, nipping
their stems
and telling ourselves that
it was not stealing
we had no way of knowing.
Up the ladder:
Warlord
Down the ladder:
Blues
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.6
Posted: February 3, 2004 9:14 AM PST; Last modified: February 3, 2004 9:46 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.4291306 Overall Rank: 3023 Comments:
Very good. Do you want comments?
please -- I know about the tense one
I don't see the tense one. Telling is a subordinate clause that could be represented something like: "and, telling ourselves that it was not stealing, we had know way of knowing." Also, the time of year that still occurs "when the badger hole etc..." is when you used to pinch bluebells. That also works for me. 'Crows' should be 'crow's'. I don't know what is meant by the fetch of the stare hitting on bark - or, at least, it doesn't call a season to my mind. Crows are around all year here, so is bark. Other than that I think this is fine and a great publishable poetic voice. I see this hitting pulpwood a lot sooner than some other stuff here.
wither
v. 1. To dry up or shrivel from or as if from loss of moisture. 2. To lose freshness; droop.
tell me something you don't know.
Show me the bum you had before you were born.
What do you mean? It's the same bum.
Simplistic, but in a good way. I like this one. "crows" should be "crow's." I'd also throw a period after "...it was not stealing."
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what is the purpose of the mismatching tenses?