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bluebells and none (Free verse) by richa
It is when the last badger hole has sunk down, and the fetch of a crows stare has hit on bark that we would pinch from the wild bluebells, nipping their stems and telling ourselves that it was not stealing we had no way of knowing.

Up the ladder: i carry my midget
Down the ladder: Warlord

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.6
Weighted score: 5.4291306
Overall Rank: 3018
Posted: February 3, 2004 9:14 AM PST; Last modified: February 3, 2004 9:46 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Goad @ 217.226.26.20 | 3-Feb-04/10:54 AM | Reply
stark and evocative. I love the last two lines of s.1 -- sounds almost canadian!

what is the purpose of the mismatching tenses?
[9] zodiac @ 152.30.201.12 | 3-Feb-04/11:33 AM | Reply
Very good. Do you want comments?
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.207.245 > zodiac | 3-Feb-04/11:36 AM | Reply
please -- I know about the tense one
[9] zodiac @ 152.30.201.12 | 3-Feb-04/11:43 AM | Reply
I don't see the tense one. Telling is a subordinate clause that could be represented something like: "and, telling ourselves that it was not stealing, we had know way of knowing." Also, the time of year that still occurs "when the badger hole etc..." is when you used to pinch bluebells. That also works for me. 'Crows' should be 'crow's'. I don't know what is meant by the fetch of the stare hitting on bark - or, at least, it doesn't call a season to my mind. Crows are around all year here, so is bark. Other than that I think this is fine and a great publishable poetic voice. I see this hitting pulpwood a lot sooner than some other stuff here.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 | 4-Feb-04/5:52 AM | Reply
wither

v.

1. To dry up or shrivel from or as if from loss of moisture.
2. To lose freshness; droop.
[n/a] richa @ 81.178.225.39 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 4-Feb-04/8:38 AM | Reply
tell me something you don't know.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > richa | 4-Feb-04/8:49 AM | Reply
Show me the bum you had before you were born.
[9] zodiac @ 67.240.192.17 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 4-Feb-04/8:55 AM | Reply
What do you mean? It's the same bum.
[7] NanceXToo @ 24.229.216.168 | 5-Feb-04/1:44 PM | Reply
Simplistic, but in a good way. I like this one. "crows" should be "crow's." I'd also throw a period after "...it was not stealing."
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