poemranker ::F Log-On by Skamper

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Free verse № 152551

F Log-On

by Skamper

Member since 2007 · Posted 19 Jun 2007 · 6 comments

single-handed typers shielded snipers firing into the midst of the one eyed tryst between machine and man drawn to the force of cyber whores clawing and spewing while cyber-men are tuning to watch... yes - she sold her soul rolled sweated and panted for your gold cunning - she is nothing a micro chipped whip used to strip your mind from your cash - there are many traps in her smiling face set hard in cyber space

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mean 5.60 weighted 5.07 rank 6577 views 205 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[9] drnick 19-Jun-07/7:55 AM Reply
Very funny...not that I can relate or anything.
[n/a] Skamper › drnick 21-Jun-07/6:27 AM Reply
well - no obviously it's not aimed at anyone who might read it, just them others!
[8] Dovina 20-Jun-07/3:08 PM Reply
Starts out like a rap. Would be nice to keep that going.
[n/a] Skamper › Dovina 21-Jun-07/6:29 AM Reply
funny that's the second of my writes to be tagged a rap...I happen to have a rap song I made earlier...will post it if I remember... :)
[9] Ranger 21-Jun-07/5:12 AM Reply
What exactly are you F-Logging?

Make line 3 straight iambs ('fire into the midst') and perhaps the 'rolled sweated and panted' line wants rhythmic tweaking. Dovina's right about the rap-ness of this.

Good poeme.
[n/a] Skamper › Ranger 21-Jun-07/6:31 AM Reply
I'm not F-Logging anything personally - but I know those who do

I hate that 'rolled sweated and panted' line...keep trying it all different ways, which is something I rarely do is edit. I agree with the 'fire into the midst' does feel better.

thanks all... :)