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F Log-On (Free verse) by Skamper single-handed typers
shielded snipers
firing into the midst
of the one eyed tryst
between machine and man
drawn to the force
of cyber whores
clawing and spewing
while cyber-men are tuning
to watch...
yes - she sold her soul
rolled sweated and panted
for your gold
cunning - she is nothing
a micro chipped whip
used to strip
your mind from your cash -
there are many traps
in her smiling face
set hard
in cyber space
Up the ladder:
Dreams and Galaxies
Down the ladder:
Ruler of My World
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Posted: June 19, 2007 1:47 AM PDT; Last modified: June 19, 2007 1:47 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0715218 Overall Rank: 6609 Comments:
[9]
drnick @ 24.247.158.152
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19-Jun-07/7:55 AM
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Reply
Very funny...not that I can relate or anything.
[n/a]
Skamper @ 202.6.132.146
> drnick
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21-Jun-07/6:27 AM
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Reply
well - no obviously it's not aimed at anyone who might read it, just them others!
Starts out like a rap. Would be nice to keep that going.
funny that's the second of my writes to be tagged a rap...I happen to have a rap song I made earlier...will post it if I remember... :)
What exactly are you F-Logging?
Make line 3 straight iambs ('fire into the midst') and perhaps the 'rolled sweated and panted' line wants rhythmic tweaking. Dovina's right about the rap-ness of this. Good poeme.
I'm not F-Logging anything personally - but I know those who do
I hate that 'rolled sweated and panted' line...keep trying it all different ways, which is something I rarely do is edit. I agree with the 'fire into the midst' does feel better. thanks all... :) 205 view(s)
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