Re: Games by fevriere	23-Jan-04/9:15 AM
What are the first four lines about? They give me a headache.
Re: His Master's Jodhpurs by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	22-Jan-04/9:25 AM
Lovely. Like a ballad of yore. How gratifying to see the lower classes being kept in their rightful place, and in such spiffing rhyme too. Only in merrie Englande. What-ho.
Re: a comment on At The Station by Christof	22-Jan-04/6:48 AM
I see what you mean, but here I say, unusually for me, bugger grammar. It would ruin the flow. Anyway, who's to say that there's more than one person loitering with their Tennant's? Gah, I hate it when someone finds my grammatical shortcomings. And I wasn't thinking really of Damien Hirst, but I can see why you think I might. The man's cornered the cultural market in embalming.
Re: a comment on Pilgrimage by Christof	20-Jan-04/2:02 AM
Hmmmm, the 'But'....I know what you mean. Clogs up the metre a bit. Without it, though, I think the statement about the ghost and the shadow is just too stark and not linked to what went before. Dunno. Let me have a ponder. Glad you liked the rest!
Re: (Come find me) by zodiac	16-Jan-04/5:40 AM
This sounds like me waking up in the morning. I like it. Earthy, mysterious, a bit threatening and sinister. Amend spelling of 'grotesque' and it'll be there.
Re: Key to my heart by nicole081083	16-Jan-04/5:24 AM
I'm being picky, but there's a bit of a mixed metaphor here - the fence and the door. Do fences have doors? Wouldn't a gate be better? You'd need a new rhyme - you could say 'I didn't want to be hurt again' and gor a for a para-rhyme. But anyway... So much for my wisdom.
Re: War zone by INTRANSIT	16-Jan-04/5:22 AM
Very very funny - a cunning tale! I don't know if Strunk & White's grammar is different from Fowler's, but "someones'" should be "someone's" and "murderers" should be "murderer's". But hey! Who cares? This made me laugh, and that's a great thing in a dismal world.
Re: Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer	16-Jan-04/5:18 AM
Is this a satirical rendering of what a self-obsessed poet would say about himself? I hope so. Otherwise, this is pompous and self-regarding and you should think about somebody else for a while.
Re: Keep it... or let it go by imperfect_creation	16-Jan-04/5:11 AM
'are gone with the people them for'? Do you mean 'they're'? One thought doesn't lead to another in this poem. How do you 'have' another person's dreams? Unless you're spookily in their head at the same time as them. Yipe. Gosh I'm grumpy today.
Re: Add More Oil by heartlessempath	29-Dec-03/8:50 AM
This is dripping with sarcasm and loathing. I love it.
Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	29-Dec-03/8:36 AM
Is 'shoal' a verb? Maybe so... but I am pretty sure that this hackneyed assault on the sonnet is no way worth the score it has. This collection of trite cliches is above Bachus etc? Blimey no. It's not even properly punctuated - extraneous commas in line 4 and line 9. And while the iambic pentameter is not aboslutely necessary to the sonnet, this clunking metre does it no favours.
Re: Until I see you again by singinkygal	29-Dec-03/8:24 AM
Is this a pop song? It's got a nice rhythm, but it doesn't say anything new, or in a new way.
Re: personality by irishfolksuicide	10-Oct-03/2:45 AM
Yep, a good pay off in that last stanza - you brought it round well, because the preceding few lines sound a bit gauche and awkward, but in the event that was just the tone you wanted so you could undercut it with your final sentence. Cuning.
Re: the way things are goin' by irishfolksuicide	10-Oct-03/2:43 AM
I like the last line a lot, but 'bull-mo- just sounds wrong - I think you want something a little more guttural, less weak.
Re: Reptilian by Christof	10-Oct-03/2:38 AM
All I can say chaps is thanks so much. I haven't written anything for months so putting this up was a eral test of nerve for me, I'm really glad to have got a positive response. And Bachus, you may have something with that 'and'...
Re: a comment on Reptilian by Christof	10-Oct-03/2:31 AM
Maybe the writer's block is over? I've a few more comong along now. People seem to like this one, I'm pleased!
Re: NIGHTMILK SUNBLOOD by horus8	9-Oct-03/9:49 AM
Yep, this comes through loud and clear and passionate. Woof!
Re: a comment on The Thought Of It by Christof	3-Oct-03/5:21 AM
I can't belive this poem is nearly a year old. My God, how time has flown. Now looky here, you've still not come over to England like you were supposed to. Why not?
Re: Moon In My Blood by AtalantaPendragonne	19-Aug-03/5:28 AM
Possibly it's my unChristianity holding me back, but I really have no idea what this is all about. 'Inconvenient' is misspelt. The ome of this is very well controlled, though it leaves me cold.
Re: Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit	1-Aug-03/2:35 AM
Everyone else has taken issue with this poem, but actually, I think it's the best thing you've written. I didn't read it as a domestic duty thing at all - I quite took it quite literally as your woman witnessing a murder and the shock of it waking you not to the reality of the murder but your own gross iniquity (what have you been up to) - a kind of community of fear and self-loathing. And it's the kind of sudden twist that I, sad sensation freak that I am, really love. Am I absolutely bleeding miles wide of the mark? Am I revealing my own vile and dripping rottenness? Yipe. I am banjaxed by doubt. I may never recover.