| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
At The Station (Free verse) by Christof Here, full of people
Going somewhere or nowhere,
Either hustling for connections
Or loitering with a Tennant's
Or the old dear collecting for terminal patients,
Here I find in the formaldehyde
Of damp yellow light one dwelling thing
That needs neither ticket nor vending machine:
Moss, like a comic moustache
That's slipped from above a bank clerk's grin
And counts us rattling out and in,
The loose change in the collector's tin.
Up the ladder:
Ben Fogle
Down the ladder:
Lisa's Song
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.714286
Posted: January 22, 2004 5:38 AM PST; Last modified: January 22, 2004 5:38 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.729984 Overall Rank: 1854 Comments:
Very evocative. There's always an old man drinking lager. Railways stations are places of excitement, because they lead to travel and all sorts of possibilities, but also they are dark, cold, wet and depressing. Oh, and bugger grammar, it's not important.
Nice to see a fresh post from you!!!!!
'Damp yellow light' works beautifully, and the bank clerk's grin similie put a smile on my face! The continuity across lines 7 and 8 felt odd, somehow - personally I'd try and avoid using 'That needs' at the start of the line; but then again it would be pretty awkward to twist around effectively.
The loose rhyme scheme suits this piece, not so distracting that it detracts from the imagery, but enough to make itself known in the background. Top class. 293 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Other than that good, is the formaldehyde reference inspired by damien hirst?