poemranker ::At The Station by Christof

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Free verse № 79949

At The Station

by Christof

Member since 2002 · Posted 22 Jan 2004 · 5 comments

Here, full of people Going somewhere or nowhere, Either hustling for connections Or loitering with a Tennant's Or the old dear collecting for terminal patients, Here I find in the formaldehyde Of damp yellow light one dwelling thing That needs neither ticket nor vending machine: Moss, like a comic moustache That's slipped from above a bank clerk's grin And counts us rattling out and in, The loose change in the collector's tin.

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5 comments

[9] richa 22-Jan-04/5:56 AM Reply
'Or the old dear collecting for terminal patients,' is not grammatical in the poem. It needs separating from 'either hustling for connections clause' which is talking about people plural.

Other than that good, is the formaldehyde reference inspired by damien hirst?
[n/a] Christof › richa 22-Jan-04/6:48 AM Reply
I see what you mean, but here I say, unusually for me, bugger grammar. It would ruin the flow. Anyway, who's to say that there's more than one person loitering with their Tennant's? Gah, I hate it when someone finds my grammatical shortcomings. And I wasn't thinking really of Damien Hirst, but I can see why you think I might. The man's cornered the cultural market in embalming.
[8] Nicholas Jones 23-Jan-04/6:34 AM Reply
Very evocative. There's always an old man drinking lager. Railways stations are places of excitement, because they lead to travel and all sorts of possibilities, but also they are dark, cold, wet and depressing. Oh, and bugger grammar, it's not important.
[9] INTRANSIT 23-Jan-04/1:41 PM Reply
Nice to see a fresh post from you!!!!!
[9] Ranger 16-Mar-06/8:37 AM Reply
'Damp yellow light' works beautifully, and the bank clerk's grin similie put a smile on my face! The continuity across lines 7 and 8 felt odd, somehow - personally I'd try and avoid using 'That needs' at the start of the line; but then again it would be pretty awkward to twist around effectively.
The loose rhyme scheme suits this piece, not so distracting that it detracts from the imagery, but enough to make itself known in the background.
Top class.