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At The Station (Free verse) by Christof

Here, full of people Going somewhere or nowhere, Either hustling for connections Or loitering with a Tennant's Or the old dear collecting for terminal patients, Here I find in the formaldehyde Of damp yellow light one dwelling thing That needs neither ticket nor vending machine: Moss, like a comic moustache That's slipped from above a bank clerk's grin And counts us rattling out and in, The loose change in the collector's tin.

Ranger 16-Mar-06/8:37 AM
'Damp yellow light' works beautifully, and the bank clerk's grin similie put a smile on my face! The continuity across lines 7 and 8 felt odd, somehow - personally I'd try and avoid using 'That needs' at the start of the line; but then again it would be pretty awkward to twist around effectively.
The loose rhyme scheme suits this piece, not so distracting that it detracts from the imagery, but enough to make itself known in the background.
Top class.




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