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the way things are goin' (Free verse) by irishfolksuicide
Dry lands day, so fast, the shadows trickle. Masked to a single; the bull moo and blue sky. All cracked skulls buried a single sheet deep. Cracked glasses seep, and pigs new-born fry.

Down the ladder: 8/29

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.625
Weighted score: 5.1680884
Overall Rank: 4926
Posted: October 2, 2003 7:34 AM PDT; Last modified: October 2, 2003 7:34 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] irishfolksuicide @ 81.178.239.53 | 2-Oct-03/7:34 AM | Reply
Ten witnesses; one, to stretch the ten seconds.

It is reckoned ten leaps, to let a long drag
[8] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.252.72 | 2-Oct-03/7:42 AM | Reply
bull moo- seems a bit comical. good thought provoker.
[9] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 2-Oct-03/8:03 AM | Reply
Skill.
[8] tadpole @ 152.163.252.164 | 2-Oct-03/12:40 PM | Reply
liked the "bull moo." Maybe use another word instead of "cracked" twice
[8] J.B. Manning @ 129.44.35.24 | 2-Oct-03/3:22 PM | Reply
short and sweet
[n/a] Christof @ 217.44.71.156 | 10-Oct-03/2:43 AM | Reply
I like the last line a lot, but 'bull-mo- just sounds wrong - I think you want something a little more guttural, less weak.
[7] 7!3 @ 219.93.174.101 | 20-Nov-04/12:23 AM | Reply
lol funny
252 view(s)




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