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reflexion - dayspring to dusk (Free verse) by DreamerSupreme you are dreamer, sleeping
and walking across the sword
long and keen, piercing the center
of the stream, pullulating
dampening the bloody rocks
where silence lay.
vibration triggering explosion
illusion made real, visions
blossom from flower.
drinking hour, immersed
in the waters of life
but breath will not
come about.
Up the ladder:
From ugly ducklin' to swan
Down the ladder:
the way things are goin'
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.625
Posted: September 16, 2003 11:03 PM PDT; Last modified: September 16, 2003 11:03 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1680884 Overall Rank: 4978 Comments:
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?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 195.92.67.66
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17-Sep-03/9:08 AM
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Reply
I really enjoyed reading this poem!!!
Interestinely
I enjoyed the poem. I think line one needs to be tweeked a little or what was the purpose of it? "you are dreamer" I almost didn't read on due to that being the first line. I just see my four year old neise saying that to me.
If your niece can understand the personification of 'dreamer', you should be proud.
well, other than it appearing like kiddie scrawl at the start, whats wrong with it? the label "dreamer" has MANY meanings behind it, and leads to other interesting things.
your four year old niece could say that, sure, but would her saying it serve a purpose in any piece of writing what-so-ever? what would you suggest?
pullulating?
has a good tone/rhtyhm/feel. 8.
pullulating - pullulate (verb)
1: Be teeming, be abuzz 2: Move in large numbers 3: Produce buds, branches, or germinate; of plants 4: Become abundant; increase rapidly 5: Breed freely and abundantly 281 view(s)
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