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Skull Soup v.2 (Other) by SupremeDreamer
[well, first revisal, old version included at the bottom.] v.2: "Words like spices in my gumbo leave most asking what dwells within the murky waters." All thats said and written will be distorted once expressed, for we are slaves to symbols; isolated beings assimilating everything as we see fit into our own alien realities. "I boil and brew this stew as would a deranged alchemist in love with creating his potions." I am a poet; an artist who tries to achieve something unattainable. That fact alone gives me meaning, purpose, and glory. This fact leaves me smiling slightly, dragging on menthol cigarettes and muttering softly "Say nothing; just stir the soup that simmers in their skulls add meat 'n spices and pray it doesn't taste like shit." This reality though it might be completely absurd and foolish is my paragon. Everything else? Garlic 'n Honey and a cooks drollery. ___________________________________________________________ Old Version: What are words but symbols spoken and written with vague definitions and assumed meaning? What do they convey? An image which might be clearer if shown with the colors possessed by a painter? An emotion which one has felt, better understood if we endure its sensation as he who receives it? A message that would be understood if read or heard by he who speaks it? Does it really matter what? All thats said and written will be distorted once expressed, for we are slaves to symbols; isolated beings assimilating everything as we see fit into our own alien realities. Did I mention that we claim to communicate? What are these questions but distractions that puzzle our thoughts leading to answers that solve nothing? What was the point of this verse of mine? Nothing. And that is the beauty of it. I am a poet. I am an artist who tries to achieve something unattainable. That fact alone gives me meaning, purpose, and glory. This fact leaves me smiling slightly, dragging on menthol cigarettes and muttering softly "Say nothing; just stir the soup that simmers in their skulls add meat 'n spices and pray it doesn't taste like shit." This reality though it might be completely absurd and foolish is my paragon. Everything else? Garlic 'n Honey and a cooks drollery.

Down the ladder: youre there...

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.6666665
Weighted score: 6.3333335
Overall Rank: 838
Posted: January 15, 2004 1:30 AM PST; Last modified: January 15, 2004 8:21 AM PST
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Kamikaze

Comments:
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.105 | 15-Jan-04/5:58 AM | Reply
I like the title. why is the say nothing in quotes? Has it been said before? damn. that's a really good direction to take this poem. sprinkling it with the poetic theory. love the closure.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.164.66 > INTRANSIT | 15-Jan-04/6:07 AM | Reply
Well, no that hasn't been said before, (well, asfar as i know anyway) its in quotes since thats what im muttering outloud to myself. (Unneeded?)
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.41 > SupremeDreamer | 15-Jan-04/6:14 AM | Reply
Lose the expletive/replace it. Use the cooking metaphor more. Mutter more. Lighten up the Theory. A dusting will do fine here.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.164.66 > INTRANSIT | 15-Jan-04/6:24 AM | Reply
expletive?

muttering more.. well, lets see where I can add some more of that 'n extra cookin after I lighten some of the theory some first.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.41 > SupremeDreamer | 15-Jan-04/6:27 AM | Reply
shit. lose the "shit" It's definitely worth giving the time to.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.164.66 > INTRANSIT | 15-Jan-04/6:34 AM | Reply
well, I dont see what else I can add to that quote.. and "shit" kills most of the humor intended no?
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.209.41 > SupremeDreamer | 15-Jan-04/6:45 AM | Reply
I gots no problem with humor, it just seems out of place for this piece. But then GW just pulled it off. I dunno.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.105 | 15-Jan-04/6:37 AM | Reply
Not quite. intermix the theory with the cooking. Make it SLOPPY! It's too neat. We can see what's in the soup. Make us taste it. I know. It's painful to break it up and start over sort of. I can show you one of mine where My metaphor was so good I had to extend it and the poem morphed into something better. if you want.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.164.66 > INTRANSIT | 15-Jan-04/6:44 AM | Reply
yeah, id like to see that.

The thing that makes it a bit hard is that i started all theoretical 'n introspective and added the ending when i realized the piece turned out.. well fucking rigid and somewhat dull.

extending the metaphor into the theory bits used will certainly be messy, but fuck it, its been too long since my last signature food metaphor piece..
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.105 | 15-Jan-04/6:39 AM | Reply
Skull soup is fine title-wise.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.164.66 > INTRANSIT | 15-Jan-04/6:46 AM | Reply
k
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.105 | 15-Jan-04/9:46 AM | Reply
Definitely better. I'd still mix it a bit more. Compare: Middleman to Lunge-fish.

Middleman was first.
Sorry to leave you hangin'. I'm trying a financial hail-mary move right now. It's fly or die time.
[7] richa @ 81.178.233.186 | 15-Jan-04/11:32 AM | Reply
Nice ideas but too didactic. It is not for you to tell the reader how it is but to relate your feelings and perceptions.


Chinese room - a man is sent into a room not understanding chinese, but nevertheless given a book which helps him transform chinese questions into answers.
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 15-Jan-04/1:39 PM | Reply
I like it, with one small exception - okay two, but the second is more general.

The first stanza - mixed metaphor, I think you can fix it with removing the last three lines (and still completely retain the meaning).

It may be my taste, but I kept feeling like strings of words could be removed here and there, maybe 2,3 words in a row - to make the remainder more rich.
[8] imperfect_creation @ 66.141.119.208 | 16-Jan-04/12:39 AM | Reply
makes me think.... hurts... but i like it.
[n/a] Christof @ 217.44.77.166 | 16-Jan-04/5:18 AM | Reply
Is this a satirical rendering of what a self-obsessed poet would say about himself? I hope so. Otherwise, this is pompous and self-regarding and you should think about somebody else for a while.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.168.203 > Christof | 20-Jan-04/12:29 AM | Reply
well it was mainly theory at first.. with an amusing ending.

But then I crossbred a cook with a poet and cooking metaphors for the theory.

Honestly though, I wrote this up just to write something really.. anything. It atleast managed to evolve into a fancy punchline.

Oh, and who do you think I should direct my thoughts to? other than my innumerouse personalities, the bastards next door, or other characters involved in my comic existence? I'm accepting all suggestions at this time.
[9] Kamikaze @ 75.11.190.59 > Christof | 11-Jul-08/3:08 PM | Reply
Aren't we all self-obsessed? Most writers are.

I agree "shit" seemed out of place, but still one of your best. (version 2.0)
[9] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.46 | 16-Jan-04/6:17 AM | Reply
Whatever you do, don't throw it out. There is a poem in there. put it on the "back burner" for a while.
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