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youre there... (Free verse) by PhSbLoNdE569
youre always stuck there, in the farthest corner of my mind in that shadowy place, where only i go, where no one else can find i go there in my darkest moments, when i need 2 be alone its alwayz closed to people i dont want knowing, its like my keep keep away zone no one knows i love you, they have no idea i care they dont even know that i know about you, having the same feelings there you said it first, then i sort of caught on, then i knew it could be real except for the fact that she loved you first, so now im tryin to keep up my shield although i told you, and you know the boundaries, seen as she is my really close friend ill love you today, even though you may not, ill have feelings until the very end

Up the ladder: Padre's Gumbo
Down the ladder: Black Beach

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.6666665
Weighted score: 6.3333335
Overall Rank: 847
Posted: March 3, 2004 6:28 PM PST; Last modified: March 3, 2004 6:28 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] deleted user @ 141.155.139.107 | 3-Mar-04/6:39 PM | Reply
don't mean to come off as very critical but do you know what an apostrophe is? youre, ill, etc...they all have apostrophes. also, "alwayz" is spelt with an 's' somewhere in there.

"when i need 2 be alone" to

the content is there, but maybe try and fix some grammatical errors, because this is just like reading an AIM conversation, without the reader's response.

-8- because the poem, though unoriginal (horus8 will tell you that i have no right to say that), is still well put together and communicated


[n/a] PhSbLoNdE569 @ 205.188.209.41 > deleted user | 5-Mar-04/4:24 PM | Reply
i know what u mean... but i just write off the top of my head and thats how i write, so sry bout the apostrophes and shit but i write how i want
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.114 | 4-Mar-04/2:21 PM | Reply
This has to be a joke.
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.31.228.13 | 5-Mar-04/1:38 PM | Reply
If any of you at all seemed even halfway open to real critical comments, this site probably wouldn't be such a boring, soul-blackening mindfuck. Don't you think?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.114 > zodiac | 5-Mar-04/1:41 PM | Reply
What are you talking about? Half the point in poemeranker is that everbody throws tantrums when their BS poetry gets slagged off.
[n/a] zodiac @ 152.31.228.13 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 5-Mar-04/1:49 PM | Reply
I'm not trying to stop them. But I just realized this is the 295th of this exact poem I've read in the last 2 months, which has made me momentarily bitter beyond even the trasitory healing powers of gasoline-huffing and rough masturbation. How does one keep from becoming a shriveled husk of a person here?
[8] tori @ 67.51.98.207 > zodiac | 21-Jul-04/10:45 PM | Reply
Well if 'one' really is becoming a shriveled husk of a person because you are reading the same poems over and over again, maybe 'one' should not read any more poems if your soul purpose is to criticize...just a thought
[8] tori @ 67.51.98.207 | 21-Jul-04/10:46 PM | Reply
A very nice expression of the whole jared situation ash, which i do believe is the problem in this poem. Or maybe its sum1 else cuz u wrote this in march n jared was more recent.... hmmmm well ne ways, its nice .. and heres a 8
[3] Sisterwolf @ 207.69.137.20 | 28-Dec-05/6:58 PM | Reply
Such angst. This really needs tightening and endline
cohesion of some kind - as is it rambles all over the page. Take it from me, add punctuation, it gives
edges and smoothes out the bumps.
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