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The Thought Of It (Free verse) by Christof I thought:
Who would leave a child outside
On a night like this?
As its howl curled out
And curdled the air
Between us and the baby
We were thinking of.
You must go, you said, and help.
The howl cracked into yelping
And we knew that the sound
Was a fox in a trap
And its cry tied us up
With our unconceived child
And the stars and the fox
All prisoners.
Up the ladder:
On a chill morning
Down the ladder:
The Book of Images
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.7777777
Posted: October 10, 2002 1:32 AM PDT; Last modified: October 10, 2002 7:38 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.7758546 Overall Rank: 1741 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
god'swife @ 209.179.135.62
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10-Oct-02/7:23 AM
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Reply
lines 4,5, & 6 are confusing. The last image I believe would work better if you replaced 'Like' with 'All' the poor dear really is a prisoner.
[n/a]
Christof @ 195.172.133.226
> god'swife
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10-Oct-02/7:27 AM
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Reply
Originally I had a question mark at the end of line 3 - would this make it easier? What is it you find confusing in these lines? You may be right about the lastline...
[10]
god'swife @ 209.179.135.62
> Christof
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10-Oct-02/7:34 AM
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Reply
the question mark is a good idea.
"We were thinking of" you end the line on a preposition, and I my mind expects a new thought afterward.
I'm not sure if this is an English/American thing, because to my ear the cadence works fine. I could change it to 'planning' or 'imagining' but then again that might lead your mind forward. Perhaps reinstating the question mark will cement the different clauses more effectively. Let's give it a go.
Oh my, what a difference that makes. Who'd a thunk it.
Amazing really. Thanks for your assistance my dear,that's what this site is all about ain't it?
Who knows! We might all just be mice in a lab. Making the best of it is always a creative act. We are happy in our delision and that's all that matters. Actually as I have stated 1,000x's this site has done wonders for me. Glad to help.
neato. pretty damn neato. 6.
christof, you are honed razor sharp these days. i bled, reading this.
Very strong, Christof. Zzin informed me you hit number 1 on p'ranker; good for you. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. But, we're hot on your heals.
Very nice indeed. I like the use of curled, and then curdled.
That's amazing. The fox reminded me of several disturbing childhood memories of a fur farm. Chilly.
Funny, my poems always seem to be reminding you of something disturbing. I do apologise.
pure imagery, sends me back to memories. fine and true.
Although this poem has a lost sense of place, it more than makes up for it in depth. Best poem on the site. Hands down.
Why thanks very much - you are a gentleman sir. I've given up on birds, or at least cut back, thanks to you. Maybe it's done me some good.
Seriously. This blew me away. Send it out.
And no birds!
Still the best poem on the site. I would kill the all cap thing, but damn, who cares, this is just good. Had to come read it again.
So when you coming out to London then? Zzin mentioned something a while ago. Really glad you like this poem. It's my personal favourite.
Again, you amaze me, incredible awareness here, really.
Although this is not my favourite of yours it is another fine example of your knack for taking the real and the possible and making them one.
Damn I love this poem. I think I love you Christof.
I can't belive this poem is nearly a year old. My God, how time has flown. Now looky here, you've still not come over to England like you were supposed to. Why not?
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