Moon In My Blood

Member since 2003 · Posted 27 Feb 2003 · 7 comments

Woke from a dream of betrayal I was bleeding Hardly unexpected, this, but inconvienient nevertheless I'm still in dream's shadow. The elder brother I do not have has taken two new women. They are unsuitable, I say. Their blood would not mix safely with ours. His smile is dismissive, but they do not forget. I am not so highly placed that I can afford enemies Even my brother's concubines. When I wake I am bleeding. Bleeding, and I still see the shadow of their faces. He says, it was only a dream. Only a dream, and you have no elder brother. The only brother you have is much younger, and far away besides. Still I can hear the words I spoke in warning The laughing denial in my brother's voice The narrow plotting eyes of his women My search for a hiding place. When I wake I am bleeding.

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7 comments

[n/a] Fear of Garbage 27-Feb-03/1:33 PM Reply

when i read this it made me think back to biblical times in israel, in the time of leah and rachel and jacob and of how the women would save their blood, using it as libations. how when they bleed they'd stay seperate from men and those men would take a few wives, some concubines. well done.

[6] horus8 27-Feb-03/2:06 PM Reply

Well, you have your user name going for you, atleast. Do you know who atalanta was? i hope so. Otherwise you would just suck, bleeding or not.

[5] Mr Pig 28-Feb-03/5:05 AM Reply

By Jove what a surreal piece of lit. You do really need to be more precise with what you are trying to convey here. This could be a rich purse of sovereigns but you've not tied it. I do like the line 'when I awake I am bleeding' its quite affecting but one needs to improve the context and enlighten the reader more as to what the bloody point is. I will give you a 5 for effort but take your time when writing poems, lock on to the emotions that make sense or else no soul will know what your talking about.
I wish you well.

God Speed !

[10] ecargo 18-Aug-03/6:01 PM Reply

Bah--a 5? FoG is right--you nailed the image of Biblical times really well, and the way you tell it--clear, simple, no stupid archaisms-- is perfectly suited to the story. Have a 10.

[10] Bachus 18-Aug-03/6:44 PM Reply

I have a hole im my toe that goes well with China.

[n/a] Christof 19-Aug-03/5:28 AM Reply

Possibly it's my unChristianity holding me back, but I really have no idea what this is all about. 'Inconvenient' is misspelt. The ome of this is very well controlled, though it leaves me cold.

[10] capachijim 7-May-04/5:59 PM Reply

beautiful