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Moon In My Blood (Free verse) by AtalantaPendragonne

Woke from a dream of betrayal I was bleeding Hardly unexpected, this, but inconvienient nevertheless I'm still in dream's shadow. The elder brother I do not have has taken two new women. They are unsuitable, I say. Their blood would not mix safely with ours. His smile is dismissive, but they do not forget. I am not so highly placed that I can afford enemies Even my brother's concubines. When I wake I am bleeding. Bleeding, and I still see the shadow of their faces. He says, it was only a dream. Only a dream, and you have no elder brother. The only brother you have is much younger, and far away besides. Still I can hear the words I spoke in warning The laughing denial in my brother's voice The narrow plotting eyes of his women My search for a hiding place. When I wake I am bleeding.

Mr Pig 28-Feb-03/5:05 AM
By Jove what a surreal piece of lit. You do really need to be more precise with what you are trying to convey here. This could be a rich purse of sovereigns but you've not tied it. I do like the line 'when I awake I am bleeding' its quite affecting but one needs to improve the context and enlighten the reader more as to what the bloody point is. I will give you a 5 for effort but take your time when writing poems, lock on to the emotions that make sense or else no soul will know what your talking about.
I wish you well.

God Speed !




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