poemranker ::Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit

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Free verse № 58458

Witness to a Murder

by poetandknowit

Member since 2002 · Posted 31 Jul 2003 · Edited 31 Jul 2003 · 28 comments

Having your cereal and toast, dealing with morning matters, up hours before me and dawn’s first yawns, when the snap came so fast you could not move your eyes to blink. The scurry ended the back broken, metal pushing eyes and tongue from the face and at that moment nothing stirred in the kitchen not you, my love, who left our warm bed so early, until at last the scream pitched so high as to wake me from other worlds into this one and the realization of what i have become.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7489 views 285 View voting details →

14 votes so far. Yours would make 15.14 votes so far

28 comments

[9] <~> 31-Jul-03/11:58 AM Reply
remove the ' in worlds, grammar boy.
[n/a] poetandknowit › <~> 31-Jul-03/12:04 PM Reply
It WAS there for a reason. But you bringing it to the light makes it look pointless and foolish. I have seen the error of my ways this once.
[9] <~> › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/12:12 PM Reply
was it a pointless foolish reason? i would like to know. just wait until you see what i shine a light on next!!!!
[n/a] poetandknowit › <~> 31-Jul-03/12:14 PM Reply
The reasons were selfish. Purely selfish and motivated by GREED.
[8] Bachus › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/1:04 PM Reply
Beautiful, I love it when you talk dirty. Umm, say... "Narcissistic elitism with a dash of sado masochist", please, i'm so close to spooging.
[n/a] poetandknowit › Bachus 31-Jul-03/1:05 PM Reply
Narcissistic elitism with a dash of sado masochist.

I don't swallow.
[8] Bachus › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/1:06 PM Reply
boy aint dat da truthe.
[n/a] poetandknowit › Bachus 31-Jul-03/1:11 PM Reply
Correct. It is the truth.
[8] Bachus › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/1:16 PM Reply
Yes, "Correct", I'm with you.
[8] Bachus › <~> 31-Jul-03/1:14 PM Reply
So... I think I pissed your friend Thom off, I'm sorry... God knows I tried so hard not to go overboard, but unfortunately, his argument had two things moving in disfavour of victory.

1) His poetry was cocca, his old stuff was wayyyy better.
2) He set me up with too sweet a shot, I had to take it.

Please forgive my. My peers, my teachers... I know I have been bad, but I couldn't help it... My shit detector was red lining.
Do you still love me Z, Pk, Gw, WORLD!!!! ohhhh sweet Jesu, I am a sinner with a cursed tongue fuzz fungal birth defect called.

THE EYE OF HORUS! I see all, I am a warm wind breaking, I am the scent of dew. Yeah, okay, well... I'm going to go smoke now thanks for hearing me out. My names Jeremi I'm a Rankaholic.
[9] <~> › Bachus 31-Jul-03/1:44 PM Reply
yeah, i guess you did piss him off. somebody's got to be our posterchild, right?
[n/a] god'swife 31-Jul-03/12:05 PM Reply
It's about fucking time. These murder poems are just too vague. Of course the writing is good ,of course it is, you can't help that, but what exactly is this about? I want that last becoming to mean more, weigh heavier. Can you please add a little more heft?
[n/a] poetandknowit › god'swife 31-Jul-03/12:08 PM Reply
What heft? There is no heft. It is about duty. DUTY!!!!!!!! Domestic DUTY. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
[n/a] god'swife › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/12:16 PM Reply
...the realization
of what i have become.

Screams deeper meaning. Duty or no. Or are you simply saying your a bed-head pussy-whipped house boy?
[n/a] poetandknowit › god'swife 31-Jul-03/12:20 PM Reply
It is a pure and simple rip off of Mr. Williams. That's it. Nothing deeper. More playful than anything. And I have bed head all the time. Don't put something there that isn't there.
[n/a] god'swife › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/12:23 PM Reply
Okey-dokey. William Carlos? Andy? Robin?
[n/a] poetandknowit › god'swife 31-Jul-03/12:24 PM Reply
All if you like. It is a love poem, eh?
[n/a] poetandknowit › god'swife 31-Jul-03/12:25 PM Reply
And don't forget Treat! He is my favorite. And I believe a good friend and neighbor of Jerimi Handrinos Britt, or visa versa.
[8] Bachus › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/1:18 PM Reply
Versa good sir, thank you.
[8] Bachus 31-Jul-03/12:31 PM Reply
Well, well. I don't know why this poem has gotten such low ranks? It's totaly self absorbed and uninteresting. I love it!
[n/a] poetandknowit › Bachus 31-Jul-03/12:34 PM Reply
And boring. Don't forget that.
[8] Bachus › poetandknowit 31-Jul-03/1:05 PM Reply
Nice try, but rest assured I knew that going into the piece.
[8] Bachus 31-Jul-03/3:13 PM Reply
Question:

How do know you've hit a homerun out of Shitsvilles' muddy diamond?

Answer:

When your arch enemy Horus8 of the clan of eight. your sworn nemesis, gives you your highest vote yet on your new poemie.

I know somewhere in that greasy briquette of carbon, you call your heart, you love me.
[n/a] Christof 1-Aug-03/2:35 AM Reply
Everyone else has taken issue with this poem, but actually, I think it's the best thing you've written. I didn't read it as a domestic duty thing at all - I quite took it quite literally as your woman witnessing a murder and the shock of it waking you not to the reality of the murder but your own gross iniquity (what have you been up to) - a kind of community of fear and self-loathing. And it's the kind of sudden twist that I, sad sensation freak that I am, really love. Am I absolutely bleeding miles wide of the mark? Am I revealing my own vile and dripping rottenness? Yipe. I am banjaxed by doubt. I may never recover.
[9] <~> › Christof 1-Aug-03/8:08 AM Reply
(psst---think rodent. think man setting trap, woman finding smashed mousy. eek!)
[9] <~> › Christof 1-Aug-03/10:32 AM Reply
see: http://www.blackbird.vcu.edu/v2n1/poetry/emerson_c/bat.htm
[5] Mr Pig 4-Aug-03/3:28 PM Reply
Reading this was like wading through glue.
[n/a] poetandknowit › Mr Pig 4-Aug-03/3:41 PM Reply
Why is that?