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personality (Free verse) by irishfolksuicide
Here, where the window-fronts of an 'ann summers' are blacked out in lingerie and leather And even the sex shops are neon, the grey macks a single shade lighter. Today was a little different, a girl, and good she was not taken but I should have known. It said peace on her sweater so probably from israel, northern ireland where peace is political. With my black hair, brown eyes, soft features she knew me, she even said, asked about personality. 'A vulnerabilty, a passion, something that could connect us like static' I asked sincerely, 'No just personality, you know' she said. So I told her I didn't have one and she left me alone.

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.134471
Overall Rank: 5473
Posted: September 25, 2003 4:20 AM PDT; Last modified: September 25, 2003 4:20 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] ecargo @ 208.249.92.99 | 25-Sep-03/8:03 AM | Reply
Is "an 'ann summers'" a store? Distracting--why not just "here, where the windowfronts are blacked out in lingerie and leather"? This is good, though some of the diction is a little awkward. This has a nice poignancy.
[8] tadpole @ 64.12.96.237 | 25-Sep-03/9:44 PM | Reply
made me snicker.
[n/a] Christof @ 217.44.71.156 | 10-Oct-03/2:45 AM | Reply
Yep, a good pay off in that last stanza - you brought it round well, because the preceding few lines sound a bit gauche and awkward, but in the event that was just the tone you wanted so you could undercut it with your final sentence. Cuning.
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