poemranker ::Reptilian by Christof

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 69325

Reptilian

by Christof

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Oct 2003 · 15 comments

Yes, a good day,I agree The river ran like glitter and The gold ale oiled our grinning and Girls of gorgeous brownness loafed and A grass snake climbed my leg. When grass snakes climb my leg And penetrate my reptile brain My laughter forgets happiness And my drinking remembers thirst And the turn of your stoic eyes from me To the girls of gorgeous brownness says, You bastard snake, again, again.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 6.00 weighted 5.50 rank 2693 views 365 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

15 comments

[9] Bachus 9-Oct-03/10:59 AM Reply
ha haa haa, you crack me up. brilliant ending my two notes would only be:

"You bastard snake, again, and again."

And a typo with comma correction in S1.

9.
[9] <~> 9-Oct-03/11:34 AM Reply
and that's when the kundalini kicks in, isn't it?
you bastard snake.
[n/a] Christof › <~> 10-Oct-03/2:31 AM Reply
Maybe the writer's block is over? I've a few more comong along now. People seem to like this one, I'm pleased!
[8] irishfolksuicide 9-Oct-03/12:16 PM Reply
It may be just my poor reading of poetry, but is the and at the end of lines 2/3/4 necessary it seems to break up the flow..

'my drinking remembers thirst' is my favourite line
[8] irishfolksuicide › irishfolksuicide 9-Oct-03/2:21 PM Reply
if you find time, you could look at one of mine.
Poetand knowit says I am irredeemably crap and should look at yours, I can see they are good, but I can't see why mine are crap.
[9] Bachus › irishfolksuicide 9-Oct-03/4:13 PM Reply
Perhaps he's jealous of the way you use your napkin?
[8] irishfolksuicide › irishfolksuicide 10-Oct-03/5:51 AM Reply
thanks christof, I will be thinking about strenthening some of my language.
[8] irishfolksuicide › irishfolksuicide 10-Oct-03/5:52 AM Reply
and spelling
[10] Bill Z Bub 9-Oct-03/3:11 PM Reply
ah.

yes.

wait, let me read it
again

ah.

and again.

yes.

another incredible piece from one of the best.

[8] Shuushin 9-Oct-03/5:08 PM Reply
Memorable:
"My laughter forgets happiness
And my drinking remembers thirst"
[n/a] Christof 10-Oct-03/2:38 AM Reply
All I can say chaps is thanks so much. I haven't written anything for months so putting this up was a eral test of nerve for me, I'm really glad to have got a positive response. And Bachus, you may have something with that 'and'...
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 10-Oct-03/6:52 AM Reply
"brownness" is a difficult word because one doesn't know whether pronounce it "brown ness" or "browness". In fact, it was for that very reason (the consecutive occurrence of the same consonant) that the world famous magician and entertainer Paul Daniels actually changed is first name from Ted to Paul. May I suggest you replace "brownness" with "brownliness"?
[9] <~> › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 10-Oct-03/10:58 AM Reply
what about "brownitude"?
i've always fancied that variant.
[n/a] Everyone › <~> 29-Dec-03/4:25 PM Reply
I'm afraid you have exposed yourself to ridicule on an unprecedented scale with that shameful and deeply ignorant confession. I daresay this epoch making blunder will form the very crux of my soon-to-be-realised memoirs, tentatively entitled "Devastatingly Wrong Opinions" by Arthur Dimsby von Smithe. I'd like to take this opportunity to heartily congratulate you on your outright dung-mindedness and staggeringly blatant misuse of the colour "brown". Well done!
[8] Nicholas Jones 22-Oct-03/6:33 AM Reply
Very Freudian. We all know what snakes represent. You set up a pleasant scene and then twist and undermine it - very nicely done.