| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Reptilian (Free verse) by Christof Yes, a good day,I agree
The river ran like glitter and
The gold ale oiled our grinning and
Girls of gorgeous brownness loafed and
A grass snake climbed my leg.
When grass snakes climb my leg
And penetrate my reptile brain
My laughter forgets happiness
And my drinking remembers thirst
And the turn of your stoic eyes from me
To the girls of gorgeous brownness says,
You bastard snake, again, again.
Up the ladder:
-=Dark_Angel_Is_No_Longer_Funny=-
Down the ladder:
Hunger
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: October 9, 2003 9:42 AM PDT; Last modified: October 9, 2003 9:42 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.5 Overall Rank: 2695 Comments:
and that's when the kundalini kicks in, isn't it?
you bastard snake.
Maybe the writer's block is over? I've a few more comong along now. People seem to like this one, I'm pleased!
It may be just my poor reading of poetry, but is the and at the end of lines 2/3/4 necessary it seems to break up the flow..
'my drinking remembers thirst' is my favourite line
if you find time, you could look at one of mine.
Poetand knowit says I am irredeemably crap and should look at yours, I can see they are good, but I can't see why mine are crap.
Perhaps he's jealous of the way you use your napkin?
thanks christof, I will be thinking about strenthening some of my language.
and spelling
ah.
yes. wait, let me read it again ah. and again. yes. another incredible piece from one of the best.
Memorable:
"My laughter forgets happiness And my drinking remembers thirst"
All I can say chaps is thanks so much. I haven't written anything for months so putting this up was a eral test of nerve for me, I'm really glad to have got a positive response. And Bachus, you may have something with that 'and'...
"brownness" is a difficult word because one doesn't know whether pronounce it "brown ness" or "browness". In fact, it was for that very reason (the consecutive occurrence of the same consonant) that the world famous magician and entertainer Paul Daniels actually changed is first name from Ted to Paul. May I suggest you replace "brownness" with "brownliness"?
what about "brownitude"?
i've always fancied that variant.
I'm afraid you have exposed yourself to ridicule on an unprecedented scale with that shameful and deeply ignorant confession. I daresay this epoch making blunder will form the very crux of my soon-to-be-realised memoirs, tentatively entitled "Devastatingly Wrong Opinions" by Arthur Dimsby von Smithe. I'd like to take this opportunity to heartily congratulate you on your outright dung-mindedness and staggeringly blatant misuse of the colour "brown". Well done!
Very Freudian. We all know what snakes represent. You set up a pleasant scene and then twist and undermine it - very nicely done.
365 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
"You bastard snake, again, and again."
And a typo with comma correction in S1.
9.