Hunger

and stop bitching all the time about critics. It takes a lot more effort to try and communicate to you what is wrong with your poems and why such a thing is wrong (as you will not accept even the most central of poetetic tenets) than it does to simply say: Ace Dovina, and everyone's opinion is equally valid so if you think 'show don't tell' is wrong you don't even have to make a cogent argument why.

Yes, random 10s are funny. That has nothing to do with "sensibility and logic".

Yes, using "your" instead of "you're" is funny. So is using quotation marks when they're not needed. Neither of them has anything to do with sensibility and logic. They more have to do with things that make me laugh or at least smile.

This comment so far has used a fair amount of sensibility and logic. That I have to batter you with it is simply beyond my capacity for understanding. You should just get how it's logical. Anyway just trust me, it's logical. Of course, you're not going to believe me, so I'm applying to an outside source:

AHMED THE INTERNET GUY: Oh, yes, definitely logical. Sensible too.

As for the rest, there is no "straw man" and stop using that for an argument. The thought of trying to adequately explain why simply exhausts me, but in short you're bound to have heard about Mark Twain's famous novel The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and His Accompanying Negro.
Q: Is it racist?
A: Probably.
Q: But how? It doesn't "imply" any specific "propositions" about the inferiority of Negros!
A: Because it doesn't imply anything except Negros are larkey, goodnatured, and easily handled.
Q: I don't think that makes it racist.
A: Whatever, your entitled to your own opinion.

World hunger is cogent, and an argument against what this poem is saying. I know I said why above, but this is how committed I am to your improvement:

1. "You present me a plate of food" is not an adequate answer to the statement "I am hungry". The problem's not that simple, and anyways, most starving people are not presented plates of food. "I am hungry / You present me a plate of food" comes out facile and classist beyond belief. Just say, When *I*, Dovina, am hungry, someone presents me with a plate of food. But why would you want to?

2. The "New sensations / Mental formulations" clearly means you're going toward Maslow with this. "I am hungry" in successive repetitions comes to represent, in this order, hunger for safety/shelter, hunger for love/esteem, hunger for knowledge, hunger for beauty, hunger for self-actualization, and hunger for God. You probably didn't have it this clear in your mind when you wrote the poem - that's irrelevant. Anyway, I doubt very much that a starving person gives much of a fuck that his hunger is just going to become a hunger for mental formulations while he's starving. Even Maslow made sure of saying that, and Maslow's completely bum. By repeating the poem with the same words you're basically making all those other hungers equivalent to physical hunger. Do you understand why doing that is bow'ls? Because that's what you're doing.

I'm sorry I use so many vulgarities in my comments to you. The problem is that I think about you and your comments all night, and by the time I make it to the internet cafe I'm just frothing at your persistent headbutting into the jellyish paunch of stupidity. I can honestly say you're the most willfully ignorant person I've ever met, and I've met a lot of ignorant people. If you've got a problem with me, with my comment style, or whatever, fine. Personally, I have a problem with you. But that shouldn't stop you from at least comprehending one - just one! any one! - of my points. That you haven't yet is another stain on your muchsmeared buskins of repute.

zodiac

PS-Ace distinction on "sensibility and logic". I bet you a nickel you can't explain it!