[mojo]
on The temple of Dissaray by DeadtotheWorld
21 Apr 2005, 12:01 AM
I'm always wary of any poem with "pain" "misery" "torture" and "despair" on ONE line! Seems more than a little angst(y). And "Theirs" should be "There's".
Overly bleak. Maybe i just prefer life AFFIRMING haiku?
A comedian you are not... though you should change your handle to TOAD as without ever seeing your face your ugliness shows quite well
keep going Damien.....chin up chin up,no one ever got to their destination looking at their feet!
I edited the title since some of the MORONS that read here are trying to be comedians.....and doing a pathetic job at it
This is the best poem I have ever read. -0-
Laughing, hard.
Some grammar problems. Suicide poems usually don't work.
"their" in Line 6.
"boundless" in Line 13
"whoever" in Line 16
I hope you do not mean that you hope this is not understandable. If you do mean that, why did you write it?
The first two verses make sense to me, the last two - I don't know.
I like this poem as I did your Hurting Heart one. I wish you had more on here, since I enjoy these more then any others. There's something about poems about being alone that always catch my eye. Do you have more on a different site?
no
I really, really like this poem, although I can definitely see that you have too good of a vocabulary to be stuck with things like "Abyss" and the picture-kissed her part.
Are those actually line breaks, or is this a prose poem? One can't quite tell.
By tower in Line 4, do you mean 'clap in chains in the tower'? And at the start of the last stanza, do you mean boundless or are we talking about some bounder who'S rather lazy? Just wondering.
You forget that it's all right to loot the world because Jesus is coming and the world will end soon, and he's given us this wonderfully rich world, and wouldn't it be a shame, and possibly an insult, if we didn't use it all up first? He'll think we didn't like his present.
As polemic it's amusing, as poetry rather less so.
I think the cardinals chose an elderly to give themselves a better chance of being elected pope. Many of them will still be around when Ratzinger goes tits up.
Weird how the opening line seemed long but was ironed out by fiorst line of second stanza. The last line is sheer brilliance hope they interpret it as i did (wrong or not).
drop the - 'on what we' that'll help for starters
Would slap me sideways with a briefer last line.