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15 Minute poem (Free verse) by Damien Hello my loyal readers are you enjoying my bleapers
Are my grammatical terms cheaper than flea keepers
Or are you impressed by the way I appear to write
Do you cheer my fight to help the fame in sight
Yes thats right you are the only beings
You can kick off my career or cause my fleeing
Either way what I say will be the same regardless
You cannot control the thoughts I believe are heartless
Nor can you critisize someone who looks to fly
We people just want to help you scale new heights
I do not know how rare we are within this world
Plus I am confused That I may lose what I unfurl
And yes I know this looks like I think I'me a god
But I'me not obviously we are all the same from the off
So cause my fall or spark my rise
Either way I look, its just through your eyes
Up the ladder:
Somehow, Hope
Down the ladder:
Pop the Pill
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: April 15, 2005 3:30 AM PDT; Last modified: April 15, 2005 3:30 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.179294 Overall Rank: 4847 Comments:
[9]
Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199
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15-Apr-05/6:18 AM
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Reply
Excellent retort. Your open expressions really come through without the use of grammar - It has certainly altered the way I view poetry. -9-
[n/a]
Damien @ 212.248.252.234
> Stephen Robins
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15-Apr-05/7:26 AM
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Reply
Thankyou Steve you have just give me one of the biggest confidence boosts I have ever felt. This is exactly what I need to do to make an impact, change peoples view on poetry, thanks again.
Ug! I feel like I've just read chapter two of a pretenious novel, written by a big fish from the pond, discovering that there are bigger and meaner fish shortly after finding his way into the lake. My vote is a -8-, just for "I'me". Otherwise, it'd be a five. I think you could develop a knack for writting, if instead of focusing on pissing off your worst critics, You instead tried to improve upon the whatever weakness they start attacking.
<3 Jason
Thanks. But all this "attacking" is what your doing, I admit the poems I posted on this site are all "egotistic" but that is what I am aiming for. Keep reading lines that mean something like I do. I have never rehearsed them okay, they are what you want them to be. They are also only for me to see peoples response to a very egotistic person.
Sorry for the GASTLY grammar mistakes
I'm not one of the sticklers for "grammar", but it is an important aspect of writing.
GHASTLY
If by attacking you mean, giving an honest and somewhat tactful opinion, I'm known for that. Everyone is egotistic(especially me). The difference between a street preformer and a concert musician is practice, and audience. With practice and editing, I think you might be a decent read.
<3 Jason
Well, even though your grammar's terrible, you do certainly know how to rhyme. Many of the lines not only rhyme on the ends but have rhymes inside them! With all the breathtaking double rhymes I was getting my hopes up for a triple rhyme before the end...but perhaps you'll pull that off in your next opus.
Thanks, you have just pointed out my strong point
Hey Damien, nice piece, have u ever considered stand up in NY? I could set u up w/ some people that would love ya....set u in motion to where u should be already on TV...get in touch ellasona@yahoo.com
Just think how much better this poem would have been if you'd spent 30 minutes on it instead of 15. What were you so busy doing that you couldn't spend another fifteen minutes and made it twice as good? I'll bet you were whacking off to either the blonde daughter or the gothish daughter, or both, on Rosanne.
I was at work in my break
This is the best poem I have ever read. -0-
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