DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

15 Minute poem

Member since 2005 · Posted 15 Apr 2005 · 14 comments

Hello my loyal readers are you enjoying my bleapers Are my grammatical terms cheaper than flea keepers Or are you impressed by the way I appear to write Do you cheer my fight to help the fame in sight Yes thats right you are the only beings You can kick off my career or cause my fleeing Either way what I say will be the same regardless You cannot control the thoughts I believe are heartless Nor can you critisize someone who looks to fly We people just want to help you scale new heights I do not know how rare we are within this world Plus I am confused That I may lose what I unfurl And yes I know this looks like I think I'me a god But I'me not obviously we are all the same from the off So cause my fall or spark my rise Either way I look, its just through your eyes

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mean 5.67 weighted 5.18 rank 4840 views 211 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

14 comments

[9] Stephen Robins 15-Apr-05/6:18 AM Reply

Excellent retort. Your open expressions really come through without the use of grammar - It has certainly altered the way I view poetry. -9-

[n/a] Damien › Stephen Robins 15-Apr-05/7:26 AM Reply

Thankyou Steve you have just give me one of the biggest confidence boosts I have ever felt. This is exactly what I need to do to make an impact, change peoples view on poetry, thanks again.

[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom 15-Apr-05/9:33 AM Reply

Ug! I feel like I've just read chapter two of a pretenious novel, written by a big fish from the pond, discovering that there are bigger and meaner fish shortly after finding his way into the lake. My vote is a -8-, just for "I'me". Otherwise, it'd be a five. I think you could develop a knack for writting, if instead of focusing on pissing off your worst critics, You instead tried to improve upon the whatever weakness they start attacking.

<3 Jason

[n/a] Damien › thepinkbunnyofdoom 18-Apr-05/2:20 AM Reply

Thanks. But all this "attacking" is what your doing, I admit the poems I posted on this site are all "egotistic" but that is what I am aiming for. Keep reading lines that mean something like I do. I have never rehearsed them okay, they are what you want them to be. They are also only for me to see peoples response to a very egotistic person.

[n/a] Damien › Damien 18-Apr-05/2:46 AM Reply

Sorry for the GASTLY grammar mistakes

[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom › Damien 18-Apr-05/10:08 AM Reply

I'm not one of the sticklers for "grammar", but it is an important aspect of writing.

[n/a] ho_hum › Damien 20-Apr-05/2:48 AM Reply

GHASTLY

[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom › Damien 18-Apr-05/10:03 AM Reply

If by attacking you mean, giving an honest and somewhat tactful opinion, I'm known for that. Everyone is egotistic(especially me). The difference between a street preformer and a concert musician is practice, and audience. With practice and editing, I think you might be a decent read.

<3 Jason

[n/a] Goad 18-Apr-05/2:51 PM Reply

Well, even though your grammar's terrible, you do certainly know how to rhyme. Many of the lines not only rhyme on the ends but have rhymes inside them! With all the breathtaking double rhymes I was getting my hopes up for a triple rhyme before the end...but perhaps you'll pull that off in your next opus.

[n/a] Damien › Goad 19-Apr-05/1:34 AM Reply

Thanks, you have just pointed out my strong point

[8] sonawrote 18-Apr-05/9:05 PM Reply

Hey Damien, nice piece, have u ever considered stand up in NY? I could set u up w/ some people that would love ya....set u in motion to where u should be already on TV...get in touch ellasona@yahoo.com

[n/a] zodiac 18-Apr-05/10:37 PM Reply

Just think how much better this poem would have been if you'd spent 30 minutes on it instead of 15. What were you so busy doing that you couldn't spend another fifteen minutes and made it twice as good? I'll bet you were whacking off to either the blonde daughter or the gothish daughter, or both, on Rosanne.

[n/a] Damien › zodiac 19-Apr-05/1:35 AM Reply

I was at work in my break

[0] edpeterson 20-Apr-05/4:41 PM Reply

This is the best poem I have ever read. -0-