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Gaping Hole (Free verse) by sonawrote
I wish I could forget you Strip you from my mind why can’t my heart remember that I left you behind Why don’t I want to understand this wasn’t part of fate maybe it’s because you weren’t just to date I fell in love with open heart you saw into my soul you weren’t part of the plan to fill in this gaping hole so I ran from that which filled it and dug it deep again tried to cover traces with booze and drugs and then the hole was deep as ever at the bottom was my soul and I shed these tears because you use to make me whole I know it’s all my fault cause I was too afraid to believe in something better than the choices that I made and now the choices I made are swallowing my soul cause I really wanted you to fill this gaping hole.

Up the ladder: Poe ét tri
Down the ladder: My Life

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.25
Weighted score: 4.910598
Overall Rank: 9600
Posted: April 18, 2005 8:28 PM PDT; Last modified: April 20, 2005 7:16 PM PDT
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Damien

Comments:
[6] Goad @ 80.132.208.141 | 19-Apr-05/4:27 AM | Reply
I've heard there are exercises/meditations you can do that will cause the gaping hole to gradually tighten back up again.

That way it's nice and snug when someone new comes along.
[n/a] Ranger @ 131.251.0.55 > Goad | 19-Apr-05/1:26 PM | Reply
Ever considered Polyfilla?
[n/a] sonawrote @ 64.12.116.138 > Goad | 20-Apr-05/7:27 PM | Reply
A comedian you are not... though you should change your handle to TOAD as without ever seeing your face your ugliness shows quite well
[n/a] Ranger @ 131.251.0.55 > sonawrote | 21-Apr-05/1:49 AM | Reply
Actually the name Goad seems quite appropriate given the outraged replies to his comments
[6] Goad @ 213.61.217.3 > sonawrote | 21-Apr-05/4:22 AM | Reply
Woah...imagine my colossal surprise to discover the butt of the joke doesn't find the joke funny.

And you are correct, actually. In terms of physical appearance, I was definitely not a winner of any genetic lottery. How interesting to discover your primary way of judging people is how pretty their face is. I'd never have guessed that either, from the web page where you scale the picture of yourself to make you look skinny (though oddly rubbery, to be honest, sort of like the stretchy girl in the incredibles when she is stretching. Is that look in style now?)
[n/a] INTRANSIT @ 204.110.228.254 > Goad | 21-Apr-05/3:30 PM | Reply
look up: Fighting erosion- it fits the conversation.
[6] Goad @ 213.61.217.3 > INTRANSIT | 22-Apr-05/4:35 AM | Reply
heh
[n/a] sonawrote @ 205.188.116.204 > Goad | 21-Apr-05/9:05 PM | Reply
funny how you are so insecure you must proselytize yourself into the belief that I need to alter my appearance..... though my comment referance was to your internal ugliness. To see beyond the surface is one of my abilities, yet one of your inabilities.As far as my intellect, my stats are just fine though I feel no need to brag with numbers.... yet another thing I leave to the unfortunately less esteemed... I write to connect with others and share views... and I feel no reason to bash anyone in the manner which you do. .....For a loser that is so envious of me it cracks me up that you took the time to look up my website....and view only my pictures!
The sanctimonious live hollow lives!
[6] Goad @ 213.61.217.3 > sonawrote | 22-Apr-05/4:14 AM | Reply
"... so insecure you must proselytize yourself into the belief..."

lol. yes, it's sad isn't it? the time I spend proselytizing myself. But very astute of you to notice. This is precisely why I have multiple users on 'ranker: each represents a disjoint set of beliefs, and they waste huge amounts of time trying to convert each other to their view points. It's like Sybil, but without the satanic cults. Probably because at some deep level I just find the whole idea of satanic cults fundamentally silly.

As far as stats: I don't care a whit about your stats. If you knew me, or even if you bothered to become vaguely familiar with my posting history before jumping into an exchange and making an idiot of yourself, you would realize my comment was entirely self-deprecatory. Ok, well, predominantly. Mostly. If not mostly, at least somewhat.

As to my being sanctimonious...well...as much I love the sound of the word, unfortunately I think I swear & curse a bit too much to qualify for it as an appellative :( You can call me "fucking sanctimonious bastard" if you like though -- that would, if delivered in a properly sarcastic tone, be more accurate.
[6] Goad @ 213.61.217.3 > sonawrote | 22-Apr-05/4:31 AM | Reply
Since my comment is a double entendre, and stays, on the surface, entirely within your own metaphor, in order to parse it as a double entendre you had to first recognize that your own words were a (apparently unintentional but obvious enough that everyone I've shown this "pome" to has immediately snickered) double entendre.

That was the point of my comment.

In other words, it WAS constructive criticism and your not recognizing it as such is your own failing. It was pointing out that your poem immediately fails as a whole because of a glaringly obvious double entendre. A common pitfall, actually.

If you ever managed to get your writing to a level where real writers would consider letting you be part of a real writing workshop, you would very quickly find out that "constructive criticism" has nothing at all to do with the little wet dream you have of a group of people patting you on your back for your cleverness and stroking your metaphorical genitals in loving adoration of your brilliance.
[n/a] sonawrote @ 64.12.116.67 | 20-Apr-05/7:17 PM | Reply
I edited the title since some of the MORONS that read here are trying to be comedians.....and doing a pathetic job at it
[6] Goad @ 213.61.217.3 > sonawrote | 21-Apr-05/4:26 AM | Reply
well, although my physical appearance is a little below average, moron is unfortunately completely incorrect. I did win that genetic lottery, somewhat, though I have frivolously pissed away that blessing over the years. In fact, I took an iq test last year in which I totally bombed and scored only 139. It's a good thing I never got around to joining Mensa or I would now have to suffer the embarassment of having my ass kicked out.
[9] Damien @ 212.248.252.234 | 21-Apr-05/6:54 AM | Reply
Feels like something I would of wrote. I trulty feel the meaning, if only these other "critiques" could see that.
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 4.224.24.70 | 22-Apr-05/1:47 AM | Reply
A touch repetive, but I easily connected with this.
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